We have been separated for 3 months, but really going back over a year. Tried marriage counseling for a few months, didn't help. She began to stay away and spend time alone more and more about 14 months ago. I was abusive verbally and somewhat controlling. Mainly just and angry person in general. I carried a lot of shame with me, and pain from a hard childhood. Took a lot out on her. I also hid pornography addiction, and a chewing tobacco habit. I would quit chewing and start again, always getting caught in the poorest of situations, her gpas funeral being one. I am working on my faults, and improving slightly by the day.
My question for help really comes from this. I took bad advice and snooped some about a man and her. Found some emails that were not quite right, and confronted her with it. Bad move on my part, she was furious, and probably not having an affair. That was 2 weeks ago, and she said she was done. She never filed and now says she just doesn't care. I believe part of her issue is post partum baby depression. We have a 19 month old, and she has been very down since then. Recently saying she just wants to give up. Everything she does is for nothing, everything she has is no good no matter how hard she works for it. She called the other night just crying her eyes out, that she missed the girls, her mom had them while she was working, so she didn't soeedeay much time with them. She said she didn't deserve to see them anyway, and that it's her fault our 4 year old hurts so much because she left.
I just need to know from my viewpoint, what should I be doing. We have limited contact, mainly the stuff on kiddos. I did say on the phone that I love her and miss her and am sorry for what I did. Might have been the wrong thing. However, she has also said that I didn't try to stop her very hard when she left, and I don't talk to her at all now. These words were not spoken to me but to a couple if people in my and her family. I am just lost, I miss my family and her so much.
Just so everything is out there. We haven't had sex but maybe 3 times in 2 years. No real time together just her and I either. She is also in grad school, and has been for a couple of years. We are in debt from her school and mine, and were constantly worried about money. Basically, both of us walking on the proverbial egg shells.
Is there something I can do? I am trying limit contact, no more snooping, no arguments, telling her if she needs anything I am there for her. What can I do to possibly get her back or at least get her to a better place mentally.
