own buz 30: My self-value, dropping the rope.

[makingmagic]

Good morning team!!

you continue to use...DB as a tactic as opposed to "living the changes" <<<< I WANT TO LIVE THE CHANGES & will continue to work hard to do so.

you still ultimately want him back. <<<< YES, I do.

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Yesterday, during a discussion about our financial position, I stated that this is the reason that I gave up on him, because it all appeared to be about "money" not "feelings". He said that bothered him & it turned into a bigger talk. He has feelings for me. He is very consumed with the purchase &/or screwing up the real estate deal to buy us time. THEN, he said he wants to relax, have fun, do things, & travel. He asked me to do exclusive dating with him to see where it goes, with the end desired result of full committed relationship again. He just really wants a slow start. He feels thats how you are supposed to start. However, at this time no pressure, no promises. He very much enjoyed our "dates" and we didnt discuss work. He is interested in MORE of that. He is very interested in sex, although he said he does want to just spend time with me & mostly having some fun. I guess our past relationship was so focused on work, that he is really requiring some fun. I understand this & its so true.....but, it was always HIS doing to not balance and inject "fun" along with "work". As this conversation went on, we got a little physical, hand holding, hugging, etc. It was very nice & warm. As the convo went on, I began to "pressure"... he felt "pressure". I insisted that I did not want to be with him, if he does not want to be with me. After a while, I could sense that the pressure was getting to him, and I was putting the pressure on. SPIKE, trying hard to get him to commit to "more".... The evening did not end as good as it started, so I left it alone.

Hoping that the next few days I will "see" his willingness to partake in this new "fun & exclusive" relationship. <<<<<<<<<< I MUST BACK OFF from "talking" & just keep it "fun".

Any suggestions? Light flirting comes to mind, as we "laugh"... although, I do want to see him make the "moves" too.

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I do understand that "exclusive dating" is only scratching the surface of what I truly want in a relationship. But, maybe.... doing things on "his" term/schedule... I can get what I need in the long term...??? !!! MAYBE???

I do understand that he is not "FULLY" in, yet. I will be patient.... I am scared too.

I will continue to DB, lovingly detach & allow him to come to me. I will continue to go to the women's meetings & get relationship advice.

I will listen. I will let go of "spike".