YOU AND ME MAN- we're psycho-mates. i wantto get there too- i want to quit this crappola and KNOW FOR SURE what the heck i want and where to get it and how and so forth.
oh well huh? i can feel the frustration vibrating rite inside me sometimes - and impatience - just can't make it happen before it happens tho, can we???
oh w3ell- gotta go feel edgy and try and tidy up this house that i lfet til too late because my brain thinks, "yeah, don't like it? suck it up - i don't like alot of your "junk" either" and then i procrastimante. oh well- not going to kill self- shouldn't even be here poking around- but ta da...
trying to lighten up- on my expectations of self - and in my response to those of others. i t hink it's a HUGE problem for me- reacting to what other's want from me or expect from me. i do not get to have too many from anyone that are met - really.
you know- i don't know what the heck he wants from me or comes for. i'm tired. if you didn't have kids - who the heck knows? i think if i did have them- he'd not be so "gone".... i don't think either are "the reason" - i think it's in their heads. i honestly doo believe mwd when she says it's an insanity of a sort. problem is- what the heck does that mean to us - do for us or make us?
we still just get to be bashed around by this stupid, unreasonable and UNFAIR SITCH- oh well huh? life.
i keep thinking fair or not- maybe it's just my "turn" in life to have a boatload of $hit going on that i gotta wade thru. i sure can't find any good reason or anhything.
like you- i get tyhru the day. HEY - BUDDHA AND EVERYONE WISE OUT THERE - says this is the best way to be. maybe, i hope & pray- this is benefitting us if we are truly just getting thru the days. maybe we're becoming wise??? i used to have a notion of what my future would be- try to have and find security- etc., i used to treasure my past and maybe look back toooo much - too fond notions and expectations of everyone and everything maybe-
maybe we are and will be better people as a result(one can only hope)idk man -
xxoo hang on - i think we'll get there in the end (who knows when that will be tho) i sure hope we're laughing about this in five years - ya think?
