Sex was great, then we married?

[Grey]

Well, I'm not going to wait 8 years for sex, if that's the idea! It's not so much the sex itself as the attempt to fix it. I believe it's possible for her and for us more than I think even she would want to wait 8 years, but the point for me, more than anything else, is there has to be some effort. You have to try. If there's a problem in a marriage, you have to at least try to fix it. She's trying, which helps me be patient.

I feel like I sorta have to quantify everything here, so I'll try to answer some of the concerns.

Yes, I talk about it here a lot. But this is pretty much the only place I talk about it. My W and I talked about it once when I presented how I was feeling, I admit it wasn't the best conversation and I didn't walk away soon enough, but we've spoken about it briefly maybe twice since. However, coming here to talk about it helps. It does. I don't talk here the way I talk to my W. I know better than to talk to any of our friends about it, for example, per Michele's book and, well, I guess common sense.


When I'm with my W though, I don't bring it up. I have been doing great with talking more, listening, and just forgetting the ML part for a while. It helps to have a new goal to focus on, such as my counselor appointment in a week, then her doctors in a few weeks, etc.

I've also learned more about how not to speak, how not to argue, thanks to Michele; things like not exaggerating, finishing the conversation before it lasts too long, or walking away and taking a time out when it starts to heat up. We don't have a lot of those arguments, but if there was anything I was clearly doing wrong every time, it's not handling arguments the best possible way.

For now, believe it or not, I'm patient at home. Last night we sat in bed naked and just talked. It helped me not be so nervously upset when the lights went out. She was glad I've got an appointment with a counselor, plus I met with a new art agent and the prospect is exciting. We even planned dinner for tonight, all of it without bringing up or pressuring sex.