So, to continue, with my story - husband left to work abroad September 2012, a colleague of 20 years offered him a job and as he had spent the previous two years looking for work (while working with me - I am self employed) and a sufficient income to sustain our huge debt (we could not make enough money working together)he accepted the offer. This colleague, a man, had a two bedroom apartment and my husband was to live with him for as long as he wanted. My husband didn't enjoy living with this man, he has nothing in common with him other than work. H was depressed. Met a single (divorced for a long time) woman (41) in a bar one night within weeks of starting work there and began an 'infatuation' affair, eventually moving in with her. He was obsessed as was she. H came home for christmas and because of his behaviour I knew something was wrong, he critised me constantly, slept on the edge of our bed and couldnt look me in the eye. He became very unwell, got severe psorisis (never had this before) and we were all so worried about him. We asked him to give up his job abroad and come home and we would figure out the rest - he said that he needed to work, needed the challenge. Things didnt go well at work for him at first. I found out about his affair at the end of January 2013 (just saw an email in his deleted items and it was all there, all the messages of love, telling her that he didnt want anyone at home to know - her saying they were soul mates and she would do whatever he wanted etc.) - I immediately confronted him to be told that our marriage was in trouble anyway (never knew that!), that he had no 'feelings', that 'he loved me but was not in love with me', that me, our home, our children, his life here was 'not enough' for him anymore. We had previously made a plan for me to visit him in the country where he is working to celebrate my 50th birthday the week following my discovery. I went anyway, thinking we could talk,his collegue let us have his apartment to ourselves for the few days I was there. He pretended during this time that he still lived there. He took me out on my birthday but we had a row when I saw him texting under the table! I accused him of texting her, he lied (eventually admitting the obvious truth). i cried, begged, pleaded to no effect. He said things could remain exactly the same at home for me, he would send money and we could pretend when he visited home. I have gone along with this. Our son found out about the affair by accident (he overheard us fighting), he was disgusted with his father and the way he had behaved, called him a 'snake in the grass'. We asked him not to tell anyone just yet - he agreed. the next time H came home I 'acted as if'and things improved, he would text his ow constantly from our home, I asked him why he kept telling her he loved her when he knew he didn't and why he was living with her (he said that he didnt really know how to pay to pay bills etc. and he was lonely). A few months later he got his own one bed apartment as work had improved and he had a better income. He is still friends with OW and when I asked him why he said that he 'doesn't hate her'. So much more to tell but think I should stop now - this is getting too long!!