hope456 - he filed, what now?

[hope456]

I've always liked the saying "you shouldn't stay together for the kids, you should make it work for the kids!"

I said some variation of this to my H a few times in the first few weeks after BD. Not surprisingly considering what I know now, it did not have the desired effect.

Expectations got you again. You have to drop them. He barely agreed to watch TV with her and then left after 5 minutes. He's wallowing now.

Let him be...

You're right. They did. I really don't think I have any expectations of H WRT me at all. However, I'm still holding on to expectations of him WRT our D7. How he acts just so consistently contradicts what he says he wants: 50/50 custody. Nevertheless, expectations are expectations and I need to drop them all.

Hope (& Lost) IF/WHEN your child(ren) hear the Div news from you & THEN ask for an activity or make a request of you,

I'd implore everyone do what Hope did, which is to comply!!
(if it's at all reasonable).

You're doing great, I hope if/when the time comes for us to tell our kids I handle it as well as you are.

Thank you both. Sometimes I doubt whether I'm making the right decisions (isn't that a requirement for being a parent?), but I know that I'm doing my best. I'm glad to have the reassurance of others here.

I'm having a hard time deciding whether I should revert to my maiden name or not. My career is not one that would be impacted by such a decision, so that isn't a factor. I almost didn't take my H's name when we married. I just felt so attached to MY name and didn't want to change it. I ended up keeping my maiden name as my middle name. I want to go back to that name. However, I'm worried that is another thing that will have a potentially negative effect on D7. I'm also worried that not changing my name now could have a negative effect on her. Because I'm SOOOO good at living in the future, I'll give you a quick summary of my thoughts:

H and I get a D. I don't change my name back. At some point in the future, I get remarried and take future H's name. We have a child together. Now, the new baby has the same name as mom, but D7 doesn't.

OR

H and I get a D. I change my name back. At some point in the future, I get remarried, but keep my maiden name. We have a child together. The baby has future H's last name. Neither the new baby nor D7 have the same last name as mom.

Am I overthinking this? I probably know the answer to that question. I keep imagining that conversation with D7.

D: Mommy, why is your name changing?

Me: Well, since Daddy and I won't be married anymore, I'll be going back to the name I had before we were married.

D: But, then we won't have the same name.

Me: That's true. The name isn't important though. No matter what, I'll still be your mommy.

D: If the name isn't important, why are you changing it?

Me: Uhhhhhh....

Thoughts?