Just a quick update... I don't post much these days as I no longer have internet access from home. But I still read up on everyone as often as I can.
I rarely have contact with XH anymore, and he no longer contacts the kids much at all.
He may be married to OW by now, we don't know.
I am trying to keep our lives as full as I can. I am still shackled by massive debt and my place of work recently canvased for voluntary redundancies - indicating that involuntary would follow if not enough people came forward...
I know enough now to know that i will survive no matter what.
I still get the feeling, occasionally, that this can't really have happened to me.. but most of the time, I just get on with things.
I still struggle also with the feeling that I need XH to realise that he made a mistake. I used to be convinced that he would come back to us... now I just imagine that he'll eventually realise that he made the biggest mistake of his life and appear crying on our doorstep one day.
I'll get over this fantasy too, eventually, but the reality is that I'm still not over the trauma. I now have no desire to see him - this is a big change from previous times when i would always hover if he came to see the kids - but I'm still defined by the fact that he left us in what was a classic mlc. I guess I'll get there in time - recovery from something like this is a slow process.
Despite everything, I'm really much happier with myself - as a competent, compassionate, capable, resourceful, reasonable human being - than i ever was before. And recognising how much I've changed makes me feel good.
I'm almost at the three year mark since BD now - so I'm sending out this message of hope to anyone who's reading.
It does get better, and you will grow in ways that you never thought possible.
