Roller coaster and then some

[daring]

AJ- I've missed you and you're amazing encouragement! Thanks for stopping by and reminding me what to hold onto.

FY you are so right that they try to fill they "hole" with so many other things before they realize it's within them. In the beginning of this he kept looking to me saying I wasn't loving him right or fully enough. While there are many, many things I could have done better- I did realize that what he was asking for was unrealistic and voiced that ( pre bomb and pre DB of course). I remember feeling overwhelmed by his desperate was to have me fill him in that capacity.

Thanks also for your perspective that he is processing. And it's on his timeline, however slow and painful it may be.

So I hope I didn't mess up tonight- need a little input. H came by house after work dinner and was tired. We were talking about kids camps and what we needs to get ready for vacation on a Friday.
Then he says- " so and so" ( a good friend, wife of business partner and a couple he and we do things with a lot, especially movies) reminded me that I have to go see this movie with her on Thursday. I said that's not exactly a good night ( we fly out Friday morning, he is traveling until Thurs afternoon) b/c I feel I will have to get everything ready. He said we can ask our sitter to help with kids stuff. I sId yes but there's always last minute stuff ( and I have a packed clinic at work that day with all the patients that want to see me before I leave).
So all of the sudden he changes the subject and says " what about S16 coming home late the other night, what are you going to do about that?"
I said I don't know yet- he said "you have to do something, I thought you were going to handle it and give him XYZ consequences....." I said we had talked about that but I thought we were handling it together. He seemed to soften some and said ok do you want me to talk to him? I said no I will do it.

So the part I was unsure of is then I told him I was upset that we were talking about something else and all of the sudden he changed things and said "YOU need to handle this" I told him that didn't feel very collaborative and I prefer he approach it in a different manner.
He completely agreed. Apologized and said he was tired and "foggy" ( how appropriate for MLC) and was going to head to his house before he p!$$ed me off more.
Then when he got there he texted me thank you for being patient with him and sorry for not being collaborative. I said thanks for reaching out and I appreciate he listened. I also apologized if I added any stress to the conversation.

So what I think about is boundaries, this was a mild conversation and right after BD I would have let it go.
I don't want to walk on eggshells, but I also find myself thinking I'm pushing too much if I do things like this.

After writing this all down I think what I did was fine. It's crazy how this stuff makes us overthink everything!

Input appreciated....