Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the BD, and Thursday is my 21-year anniversary (well, 20 + 1 apart). I actually have no plans for either day (except a yoga class), and I am ok with that. I don't think this week will be any more difficult than I've already been through. There are no more all-out crying episodes now, and more good days than bad. I am keeping busy, and planning a 10-day trip this summer out west to visit with family. I am feeling pretty good about my progress over the last year, if I do say so myself. I really feel like I have a better life than he does at the moment.
H has resurfaced - mainly because he has to cut the lawn. Generally, I try not to be here. I came home last Thursday to find he was still finishing up the lawn. He came in to talk afterward, and proceeded to talk my ear off for 20 minutes non-stop about himself, his job, and his job search (nothing yet). Really, absolutely nothing seems to have changed with him over the past year. He seems very stuck in the same place - and still no therapy. And, no more mention of a mediator or 'ending the marriage.' That was almost 2 months ago now, and no movement. He always seems to have excuses. I also no longer want a hug or anything at all when he leaves. No desire whatsoever. That just stopped one day in March when he just went too far with his ridiculousness. I just see him in a different, and not-so-flattering light. He has also gained about 25 lbs since last year, at least. Sad thing is, he still tells me about anytime someone else says something good about him. So weird because I never thought of him as anything but confident. And I always had alot of confidence in him too. SO weird.
I have stopped looking at FB. I would really rather not know anything more about OW. My friends have assured me they will let me know if there is something I MUST know, and they always let me know that, from the looks of it, she is very insecure and in need of constant affirmation of some sort -- with all her posting and posing. (gag)
Had a strange dream last night, that I was spending the night in my own house, and the OW and her 2 young kids were staying here also, but H was nowhere to be found. He just 'put her up' here at our house, with me in it. I woke up thanking God it was just a dream. (gag again)
This MLC thing sure is getting boring. But hey, I think I'd rather have boring than some of the other situations I have read about. We are a strong group, aren't we? I just keep db'ing, to the best of my ability, which isn't much to speak of some days...
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
