I must be nuts to still have hope

[RedHawk98]

I am not "bashing her". Nor am I blame shifting. I am just presenting a balanced viewpoint of how a marriage can crumble.

If I seem to be derogatory about her, it is the behaviour she's adopted during our separation I am aiming at. She IS a betterperson than her behaviour shows.

I really don't want to progresd with divorce as I know it's not going to make either of us happier, than us both simply spending time together. For her to see that the life she left behind no longer exists.

If she won't do that, then I have no choice but to move on.

Believe me, "thinking of myself", was noy the cause of me becoming withdrawn. I havr spent the majority of my life making sure others are happy before me.

That's where the drop in respect occured

[MrBond]

"I am not "bashing her". Nor am I blame shifting. I am just presenting a balanced viewpoint of how a marriage can crumble."

I think you need to go back and read your posts. Many of the things that you attribute to your downfall are external situations that you act as if you had no choice in them. You always had a choice. You learn to accept the consequences that come along with them. The good and the bad.

"Believe me, "thinking of myself", was noy the cause of me becoming withdrawn. I havr spent the majority of my life making sure others are happy before me."

So? What's wrong with that? That was YOUR choice, correct? You didn't have to do it. Stop blaming the external things.

[RedHawk98]

I think you are confusing "bashing" and "blaming" for "the facts" and "working out the cause".

I have always admitted to my faults and done what I can to rectify them.
I was left under a pack of lies and self justification from her and had to work out the real answers myself.
To this day she is still as vague as ever. And will dodge or blame external factors for her decision rather than say "I was wrong" for the slightest thing.

May I also state that I received one warning of her unhappiness. The night before the passing of my grandfather. She left we weeks after that warning.
All because her needs were not priority for a month due to my grandfathers stroke and resulting pneumonia.
"Xmas was boring", she whined to her boss. Because myself and my family greatly missed his much loved character and prescence.

Despite all her selfishness and dishonesty, I still love her. This behaviour is very out of character for her. But she will admit NO fault at all. Whereas I have taken all blame for this until recently.

Yeah I made mistakes. The difference is that I'm mature enough to realise them and change for the better. While my wife exists in some fog with a secret boyfriend she is too ashamed to admit to.

I'm moving on in weeks to another country. Where I will surround myself with people that don't think that saving a marriage is a sign of weakness. Hopefully there will be no third parties hellbent on destroying a marriage under temporary strain. Because they don't have good one's themselves.

[MrBond]

I think you are confusing "bashing" and "blaming" for "the facts" and "working out the cause".

Not confusing anything at all. All I can do is comment on what you write.

"Yeah I made mistakes. The difference is that I'm mature enough to realise them and change for the better. "

See, you're bashing her by implying that she's not "mature". Those little digs which you've peppered throughout your posts here show you haven't changed much despite your numerous claims of doing so.

"Where I will surround myself with people that don't think that saving a marriage is a sign of weakness."

Again, with the passive aggressive criticisms.

"Hopefully there will be no third parties hellbent on destroying a marriage under temporary strain. Because they don't have good one's themselves."

And they keep coming from you. The comments and digs, I mean.

[RedHawk98]

I think we'll have to agree to disagree here.
There is no malice or spite in my posts. I am just stating some facts from both sides. Hoping that someone can relate.

I am not actually placing blame on third parties, merely saying that they haven't helped our situation.

It's a shame that everything has gotten so out of hand in our separation.
I will never try to protect my partner, whoever that may be, from any cause of stress in my life in the future.
I'm sure my wife would have been understanding at the time if she had known everything.

Live and learn. This is a lesson I won't forget.

[MrBond]

"I think we'll have to agree to disagree here.
There is no malice or spite in my posts."

That is true. However, what you don't seem to understand is that the way we are reading your posts is the way that YOU are communicating. And that is probably the same way that you are communicating with your W. You probably don't realize you're doing it, but it comes off as spiteful. You can either try to understand, be open-minded and maybe change, or continue communicating the same way and nothing will change. That's up to you.

[Starsky309]

Agree with Bond, fwiw.