afraid I have waited too long #3

[nit84]

Well the last couple of days have been interesting.

I was gone all day Saturday on a day trip. when I returned home W was here but holed up in her(our) bedroom.

I went about my business I went for a walk came back and decided to sit out back and look over the yard and ponder life. After finishing that I went for Ice cream.

Upon returning I went around back and it was dark so the motion light kicked on and I noticed a chair was moved, I looked closer and it was the W sitting there I guess doing the same thing I did just a half an hour before. I said Hi she said Hi back and I told her she about scared the poop out of me sitting there in the dark. She said I am just sitting here. I said I know and went inside. I felt as though she was crying or somewhat upset by the sound of her voice.

I fought urge to ask if she was alright and left her alone.


Sunday, I got up early went to church as usual. When I came home W was in her bathing suit and was walking up the stairs I said Good Morning W responded in kind in a happy voice. I changed clothes and proceeded to go outside to do yard work.

A few minutes later when I was up on ladder W came around to see what I was doing. She gave me a couple sarcastic shots about not knowing how to run a pressure washer( I marked up the house a little when I was cleaning the exterior but found a way to make the marks disappear). She then asked me if I had a chance to look over a list(not even close to being complete) she gave me the prior week. I told her no I worked a lot and didn't get a chance to but I would.

She then said that the sooner I did this the sooner she could move out. I said oh are planning to move at the end of the month? She said she didn't know when but was just saying it. I asked her point blank what she wanted at the support hearing in three weeks and maybe we could stay out of court.

She said you make a crap-ton more money than me so I need help with the bills. I said I paid all the bills in may and June's bills were also paid. She said I gave some money even though my L told me not to. I said yes you did but it is not close to half of the bills. I said 300.00 is not even a quarter. she said I gave you 600.00 I said yes I thought the other 300.00 was June's bills if it was for may's that's great thanks, will you be giving me any money for June's then. I got no response.

She said basically the spousal support is to help her get on her feet. I said but any money I give you probably has to come back to me to pay off your half of the expenses. I said in actuality you are better off now.

I said I can't afford to pay all the bills here and give you money to live somewhere else.

She then started to say I can't live here with you. I said if need to move go ahead. She said she couldn't because I didn't mark on the list what she could take to live on. I said I will get to it soon.

She said I'm trying to be nice you know, I could just take half of everything and just leave. I said honestly if want to take everything and leave go ahead if I make your miserable we can sort it later. I told W if there was something I wanted that she took I would ask her for it. I trust that you would do that for me.

She said she couldn't just take stuff that wouldn't be right. We acquired it together so it should be split fairly. I said I think it will but in the mean time if you have to leave go ahead.

Then she started to cop an attitude saying thanks for your permission to leave. I just looked at her with a confused expression I am sure and said nothing.

She then said I was roadblocking her because I am not and have not done anything to move the process forward. I apologized and said I would make the list a top priority. She continued, and I listened, to say may be if you stopped worrying so much about fixing the house and the fooling with the pool you could find the time and stop dragging your feet. I got a little firm then and said you waited 11 months to do anything you just gave me the list last week. I promise it will be done.

Then she said you know all these changes you are making are exactly what I told I wanted. For the longest time I thought you weren't listening to me when I said these thing and you were just drunk.

I validated and said if you remember I told you you had great ideas we need to wait till Our dog passes.

She then said I held on and held on for as long as could and you didn't do anything to change.

I said you are right to feel that way but you never asked me to change directly, had I known where your breaking point was I would have started the process then it is no excuse but things with me are different now.

She said Well I guess this is a lesson for both of us. I agreed and said I am trying to understand your feelings that is why I am asking clarifying questions. I backslid a little and said but divorce isn't a solution for me.

She said so we should stay M even if one person can't stand the other. I said well hopefully that would get better in time. She said she couldn't look in the rearview mirror anymore I agreed and neither am I just going about doing for myself as you are for yourself.

She then said well, it is what ever you think is best it always has been that way. I said we are our own people we both need to do what is best for ourselves. She said well I don't have any money to start my new life. I said you are very smart and will find a way. She said as long as the house was an asset of hers she can't get loans to go to school or anything. I said if that is true I am sorry but did you check into it? she said no but I'm sure it is that way.

W then said she did the math and I can afford to pay all bills and take over the house. I said thanks for telling me but we don't know what the house will sell for so I will have to come up with an offer once I find out what I am eligible for.

I told her I might look into buying a townhouse if the house sells for a good amount.

W then got upset and accused me of always making her sick and giving her fits of anger and that is why she can't talk to socially because it would give me false hope and she doesn't talk because it always leads to an argument I said I'm sorry she feels like this is argument it is just us talking about how to split stuff we did get sidetracked a little but we aren't fighting.

She hurried away and I went back to finish my work. It took only five minutes so when I finished I went a got the list and she said I didn't have to stop what I was doing to do the list. I said it is no problem I know how bad you want it done so I will do it right now while I have some time.

She said I am just trying to make her life miserable. I said no this all just part of the process It stinks It always will stink and there is no getting around it if this the route that is chosen. I asked to clarify some things and she did then I completed the list in about 10 mins and went back outside to work in the yard.

Sorry this is a very long journaling session, I guess the question I have is from what I said above am I being a roadblock?

She said she is doing everything and I have done nothing, Is there something I should be doing that I am not?

I told her in the beginning that if she wanted a D then she would need to do the leg work. After D papers does that not apply anymore?

again sorry for the long rant.