I've been on this board for a few months and have ridden the rollercoaster from initial discovery to going to divorce mediation. That part of the story is back here:
Since then we finalized the parenting agreement and had about one more session before the mediator was ready to start drafting the financial/support agreement. Mentally I was at a point where I'd written off the relationship and was ready to move on. I had even gotten to the point where I was backing up bags and boxes and moving stuff out to the garage that I'd be taking with me.
All of the sudden my WW asks that we put things on hold and try again. She's willing to go NC and offers full transparency. She really feels that the best thing for all of us is to stay together and try to work things out.
Fast forward to this weekend. She's making the effort, but seemingly only on her terms. I go onto her laptop to pull her iPhone backup to see whether she was being honest about not speaking with the OM in several weeks...but she'd deleted the backup. When I confronted her about it, she said that we were getting divorced, so she didn't see how it mattered if she had been speaking with the OM at that point or not. She wants to be completely open about what she's doing now, but doesn't want me to sit around and dwell on what she did in the past.
Here are my questions: - Is it unreasonable to expect to know what she'd been doing in the past? Does transparency have more to do with what she's doing now than what was doing in the past? - She's asked that we start over being completely open with one another...does anyone see any issues with me agreeing to being transparent as well? - Remorse is an essential part of reconciliation...but is it something that should happen right away or does it sometimes take time? - I gather that rug-sweeping is a pretty standard approach for many waywards in the aftermath of the affair. Any advice on how to deal with this?
