choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

[TL72*]

Thanks for your posts, I sure love the support I get here.
Thanks Georgiabelle - i just caught up on your thread and sending you a hug too - you will know when you're ready to date, I did go on 2 dates too "soon" or maybe they just weren't right for me but i'm glad I went just to get my feet wet. When you do go just let whomever know it's a friends thing and take the pressure off of yourself.
Matt - yeah the MLC'r seems to take a lonnnng time, I knew going into this that I could not stand for years, I'm just too needy of a person. I had planned on standing a year but things change, feelings change - we have to do the work on ourselves for sure. Remember to allow yourself to grieve in private, otherwise it will come back to haunt you later.
BrightFuture - i'm curious about how long he wants to come visit the dogs too. He came over and greeted them and sat down in his spot on the couch. I just left on property brothers on tv thinking he'd get bored and take off, but he watched a whole episode lol. I tried staying in the kitchen and going out on the deck by myself to smoke and then he would come out there to smoke. I told him he could take the dogs to his place but he said he's only allowed 1 at a time at the complex and he wasn't sure about handling Dixie, she's a high energy dog that does not get along with other dogs except her own sister in my house, so that was his excuse for that. I was thinking to myself that I need to set some boundaries about this - I don't want to deny him contact with the dogs if he truly wants to see them, but he's not paying for them, there is no puppy support like child support, I was thinking next time of just saying I'm busy. I realized that I'm over it. I know it's because I'm seeing someone else - but this is the first i'd seen the ex since then and I really didn't want to bother with the awkwardness. He didn't say much, I didn't say much, he asked me if my jeans were new and I said yes and then he said see ya later and left. I saw him looking at me when i was watching tv. I don't want that relationship back because I came to realize how much better it is now. It's like being brought back to life. I did not realize I was walking on eggshells or not being my own person until he walked out the door. Now I am my top priority, not someone else. I'm meeting all my needs - not having to meet someone elses needs and feeling responsible for their happiness. I have come to accept it, being single is actually pretty great, I really went through great pains to get to acceptance but it simply just is. He's gone, I'm done feeling like that, trying to keep myself off the victim triangle. I do see that I have trust issues - you build this wall and it's hard to let someone in there. I did learn a lot of communication skills in divorce group too - they really encourage you to learn from the past but don't live there - when you rebuild yourself, use all the knowledge to create your new relationships - of course they encourage you to wait a year to date which was my plan, however when someone presents themselves, and all those bells/whistles go off every time they say something that you can relate to etc, the sparks, who am I to deny that and just walk away from a chance, I mean I deserve happiness too. I will learn from everyone I meet so I will just take it easy and slow - it's a fun path right now.
T-boned, thanks for the book reference - I'm always up to reading new books - could not have made it this far without them. that was a great poem too - I'm so glad you went to your IC and are seeing things that you perhaps didn't see before. I love those aha moments, those breakthroughs, it's just like "OH I get it now!" when it was there all along. We just get caught up in our lives or whatever drama is going on and forget to look at ourselves in the mirror and see what's in there. I still have work to do- it's an ongoing growth forever really. We all move at our own pace, climbing that mountain. It's ok to stop and take a breath but again if you think you're stuck, take a closer look at what you're stuck on. I know you have that book with the blocks on it, I re-read it and highlighted all the things that popped out at me, I could see how I had actually worked through every one of those rebuilding blocks - I feel more peace than I have in years, and that freedom. I'm rambling, I'm still healing don't get me wrong, still finding myself, but it does feel positive, being done with the grieving process. I decided to sell the old jewelry I have and would rather have the cash than the memories associated it with it. I have Motley Crue tickets in Cincinatti in July, so that's exciting to me Going to refi the house this month and that is the last thing to do. Hoping that goes well. Excited about the future for the first time in a long time.