Help please

[Maybell]

So is this a stupid question?

I'm not sure what to look at in myself to use this time to grow. I feel like I've been working on growing all through my M. I have taken on all sorts of challenges and learning opportunities, pretty much by myself. H works a ton and never wanted to do anything. I would try to explore activities he might be interested in doing together and all he wanted to do was sit home and recover. Dates were dinner and a movie. Always. We lived in a really vibrant cultural area and he never wanted to go listen to music, rarely see a play, hiking was too much trouble, etc. He never got excited about anything. If I took up a new activity or made friends it was always my stuff, never anything I could lure him into.

Now we're separated and I feel liberated in a lot of ways. I can go try activities without having to worry about leaving him behind. The kids want a fish, or a cat, I can say yes and not worry about him grumbling. I can choose to take them to a street festival or a farm and I don't have to worry if he thinks it's a success or not. I've been spending a ton of time with friends and I don't have to worry if they're the ones he thinks are boring. I can go to church and not have to rush away because he doesn't like church. I can be fifteen minutes later than planned leaving for an outing and nobody is going to get irritable because we're late (even though he rarely helped).

I love him and want to rebuild our relationship, but I do NOT want it to include all this pressure I'm accustomed to. I want to hear what he wants to do too and actually do those things -- without the pressure of worrying if it's a "successful" activity or not.

This is the sort of person I want to be and the only difference between the time we were together and now is how free I feel to be the person I want to be. I make friends easily and I work to keep them. I haven't always done as good a job of that with H because I built up a lot of resentment towards him for not wanting to spend time with me, doing his stuff or my stuff or our stuff (he ALWAYS wants it to include an electronic screen).

So this time of going dark with him (reading the thread somebody referenced on CW-wc's thread) is meant for me to build myself up. What should I look for as areas for potential growth? I'm comfortable as I am, my relationships with others are good and/or improving with the changes I've made in the last 2-3 months... what else?? Just carry on?

Thanks.