It is all so weird! I see glimpses that he cares. How can someone want to pull apart the whole family when that's not what they want deep down?
Your H is asking himself “The Big Questions of Life” right now. Where am I? What have I accomplished up until now? Where do I want to be?
^^^This can and should be a good thing!
One thing I learned early on in our crisis, is that deep down in our spouses soul this is a search for true meaning and purpose in life. They don’t realize this for a while (some never do), and instead try to fill this hole in their soul with pleasure, “stuff”, or new relationships.
But because all these things only offer temporary relief, that eventually leaves them as empty as they were to begin with. Not until they discover what is truly meaningful for them, their reason for being here, their purpose in life, will they be able to stop searching for answers in all the wrong places. The answers are inside of them, and always were.
I say this daring because while your H is almost certainly depressed, and it may take him a while to figure it all out, he does seem to be grappling with these questions in at least a semi productive manner.
And I truly believe we can guide our spouses, lead the way so to speak. They do watch us.
The same things he’s struggling to figure out… what’s a meaning life mean to him, you too need to figure out for yourself. Do this and you will be golden no matter how the M turns out.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
