Now that H and I are being civil to each other I have been cycling. I mean I am having serious roller coaster issues. I am so used to the anger and the animosity between us that this "getting along" feeling is messing with my head. I still can't trust him and I still can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. But I want to. And it makes me very sad that I can't. I hate to say it but it was easier when we hated each other. And honestly there is still a little part of me that hates him.
He brought OW to S's soccer game on Saturday. S was not happy. It was my weekend and after the game I noticed S seemed down. I asked him what was up and he told me he was upset that Dad brought OW without talking to S about it. I just said I was sorry and I think he needed to talk to his father about how he felt. I hope he does although H is too engrained within himself to give a rat's @$$ about how anyone else feels.
It was like a slap in the face, I do have to admit. I mean this was kinda like "my turf" with my friends and my "restful place" and here comes OW limping along with her cane in tow. And yes, her back is in bad shape but her mouth never stops. D moved her chair so she could sit near OW and show her some of the things we brought for her to play with. That stung too. I did have to get up and walk at halftime and pull myself back together. "I am still the mom" I reminded myself. I told myself to start acting like an adult and put my big girl pants on and deal. And I did. And the game ended and they went on their merry little way.
AND now that H and I are "getting along" he is calling me EVERY dam day, sometimes a couple times a day and coming up with some reason to call. I don't usually answer the phone so he can leave a message or text me what he wants. He often gets irritated when I don't drop everything when he calls. But hello, I have been doing this for the past two years.
And as an observation, H puts on a dam good show when we are around others and especially when this OW is around. But when it's just him and me, I see the true colors. Complaints, complaints, complaints. I feel like I should open a Dr. stand (ala Lucy on Peanuts) and charge a nickel for my services.
So things are getting closer to finality. I meet with my attorney tomorrow about the final document to see how we should proceed. There are some things he has concerns about but I do want to get this done and over with. I need to move on. I need my name off this house so I can clean up my credit, pay my lawyer and make a better life for me and the kids. My attorney told me the only way I would ever possibly need to pay H maintenance is if H should lose his job by no fault of his own or become disabled and be making less money than I am. My attorney does not see that happening, but IDK?
H brought over my bike from the house and I plan to get back into riding. I haven't ridden in years. I used to practically live on a bicycle, but I grew up and my bicycle days were put behind me. I seriously don't even know if I remember how to ride, it's been that long. I also finished the frame for the star pinata for D's birthday party. While the kids are with their dad this weekend I plan to start the paper mache part and then maybe let D help me paint it. She wants it painted like a flag with white stars on a blue background. I never knew I would need a degree in art when I had kids.
I also designed water bottle labels and invitations for D's birthday. I am really excited about this. I love doing this kind of stuff.
I am trying to keep my focus on me and the kids while H is in the background jumping up and down trying to get my attention.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
