KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

[KGirl]

Thanks, GB! Things are moving along. I don't have to go back to work until Wed., so I'm taking my time unpacking along with some breaks. Yesterday I went on an adventure to a Subway that's within walking distance for dinner, and this morning I sat on the balcony w/ my coffee and watched the construction guys patch the sidewalk

H texted me AGAIN asking if I was sure I didn't want to take care of the cat/get the mail for him while he's gone for the next couple of weeks. He's never told me exactly what he's doing, but I know from way back when I was in snoop mode that he's going to a work conference (over our anniversary.. sigh), flying to the east coast to help his sister move back to the midwest (her H is in the military and had to go to Saudi Arabia for a year, so she and her three kids are moving back here to be closer to family - from hearing H on the phone it sounds like he got roped in to helping her wrangle the kids on the drive back here), and going with a friend to Chicago. I don't really feel bad that he's having trouble finding someone to watch the cat. He knew he was going on all these trips. Some of them were arranged before I decided to move but it's not like he confirmed w/ me at the time that I'd be here and willing to do that. He just went ahead and made his plans. Not my problem.

GB - When I read "do they harbor these feelings towards everyone after incidents such as the ones we have read?", I had an AH-HA! moment. This is something H's family does ALL. THE. TIME. And it wouldn't surprise me if he picked up on it. For example - H always said his immediate family "hated" a particular aunt and they never spoke to her or talked to her. She and her family were not invited to our wedding. Eventually I asked what the deal was with that, and he said he didn't know, so he asked his mom. Turns out that maybe 20+ years ago, his aunt didn't shake his dad's hand at some church event where you're supposed to shake everyone's hand around you. His immediate family (minus him I would suppose because he'd be too young!) was very offended... thus they still to this day do not associate with her. It made absolutely no sense to me! I told H that was kind of ridiculous and now I see that not being "on his side" didn't help things. But I really don't see how that one incident results in another 10 years of dislike and ostracizing. One time a different aunt wore a skirt to a wedding and for many weddings afterwards in future years, there was talk about whether aunt so and so would be so audacious as to wear "separates" to a wedding. I don't know what is behind all this (trying to feel better about themselves by putting others down? thinking they are better than others but really have low self-esteem?) but YES, it's very characteristic of his family to take one moment or situation and define a relationship based on that.