PS: An emotional affair is in many ways as devastating, or even more devastating than a purely physical one. Any type of outside relationship that creates distance between spouses, where intimate information is shared that belongs between husband and wife, is VERY HURTFUL and DEFINITELY counts as "cheating". You will see it referred to here as PA (Physical Affair) and EA (Emotional Affair). Plenty of marriages blow up over EAs too. Because they are a betrayal of the vows you made with your spouse. Period.


( I haven't figured out how to put those nice little boxes up with a snippet from a previous thread so I just keep cutting and pasting. )

Ok an EA is the same transgression as a PA. I'll accept. During the M I never saw it that way. I wasn't getting any emotional support from W( and yes I probably wasn't giving it either but assigning blame is as valid now as the chicken and the egg argument. She did this I did that or was it really I did that she did this so I did that. Mind boggling). We had such a wonderful relationship on so many levels that the lack of communication in the important areas seemed to go unnoticed. We had a good marriage with unsaid issues. Looking back I think it would have been healthier for both of us to have some big huge explosion. That way we both could have said " oh look a problem. Let's fix that". My W had written that she knew about my EA. And how it hurt her and why didn't I get that part from her. For my part I didn't know I was having an EA ( I hope someone in here understands that ). For me it was a co worker who was going through hard times , D and children troubles. She valued my input and we talked often. If felt so good to have someone ask my opinion. w never asked my opinion. Right from the beginning. That's not a shot. It's a truth. So in the very typical male mind I was flattered to have a woman seek me out and ask for help. And stupidly I never associated it with an A. " because we weren't physical". But reflection has me asking myself a question and already knowing the answer. " if I thought it was fine why did I keep it from W?" Arrrg cause somewhere in my gut I knew it wasn't fine!
I'm starting to really hate this self examination ;-)