Ok here we go

[GoatGal]

Wow.

Cw... what a day you have had!
(And me too! The scales are falling from our eyes...)

You sound SO much like my husband. All that "being proud of her" stuff.
All that talk about "service". Right on!

I am really impressed with how you're thinking things through from a different perspective.

I am new to this forum so I'm far from experienced.

But I am a woman. And a woman who, although she loved her husband and he loved her, were unable to fulfill each other's needs because we weren't speaking the same language.

What we women need is that emotional connection---EVERYTHING FLOWS FROM THAT.

That's why the "nice guys" fall by the wayside in favor of the sleaze balls who can "fake" great intimacy. Woman swoon under it.
(Granted, when we swoon we are under the impression that it's real. And boy are we ticked when we find out we've been had! So it's got to be REAL.)

It's most of what we need from a man.

Somebody on here said if you can do this, she will be under your spell... (paraphrasing). That is TRUE, especially if she already loves you!

And she married YOU, right?

Just like even though you're frustrated right now, deep down you cared enough to have come here for---something. Even if you didn't know what it was. And look what you got!!!

Those feelings are just feelings.

They are driven by your THOUGHTS and PERCEPTIONS.

If your thoughts and perceptions of the situation are inaccurate, then your FEELINGS about that situation will be wrong as well.

Sometimes all we need is accurate information to assess what's really going on.


Feelings are like weather. (Or the stock market).
Wait around awhile and they'll change.


PS: An emotional affair is in many ways as devastating, or even more devastating than a purely physical one. Any type of outside relationship that creates distance between spouses, where intimate information is shared that belongs between husband and wife, is VERY HURTFUL and DEFINITELY counts as "cheating". You will see it referred to here as PA (Physical Affair) and EA (Emotional Affair). Plenty of marriages blow up over EAs too. Because they are a betrayal of the vows you made with your spouse. Period.

And people who have trouble with intimacy tend to throw up barriers to getting really close to their loved ones. An EA is a great example of this.