Soooo.... what an interesting day/evening. Spent the day with my family who tend to trigger all my anxiety. (They did, and I handled it... ok, but not great. But I was also tired and hungry at the same time.) On the very bright side, when my brother started yelling at me and acting immature, I worked hard to stay calm instead of escalate. We ended up hugging and apologizing sincerely to each other. In many ways, it was really interesting to have a chance to resolve a conflict with a man. Besides my brother, there's not too many people in my life (besides my H, obviously), who offer me a chance to hone those skills. I was able to see some concrete differences in the way I handle things.... and perhaps more importantly, I was able to see myself handling things much differently (and more effectively) than my mother does.
And then, later in the evening, my H was over and we were trying to figure out a summer schedule with our D (I was calm and composed during that convo). After that... I initiated some R talk with my H. I haven't done ANYTHING of the sort since mid Feb.
I don't want to mind read. But I think I just might have gotten him thinking a little bit. I stayed calm and composed, and I took responsibility for a specific way that I showed a lack of support and understanding for him during our M. He thanked me for that. And he was able to admit that he was not a good communicator, and he is working on that. I told him I was impressed with that-- because i know that looking inside yourself and trying to grow is not easy. I told him that I admired him for doing that.
It's probable that he's still leaning towards feeling "I'm sad about this, but what's done is done and there's no chance of reconciliation". But I know that is mind-reading big time. Because on the other hand, he didn't say anything completely final, and he was visibly upset. I said that I believed strongly that, underneath everything, the problem was that we didn't have the tools, or support, or knowledge to make things work. I told him I had never learned how to be a good partner-- I had no good role models, and no tools, and I also wasn't healthy enough to be able to find or use them. I told him that I've been doing a lot of looking inward, learning about myself and what makes relationships work, and that now I think I DO have some practical tools, and that I'm much less likely to make the same mistakes again in my next R, whether that is with him or with someone else.
I confidently ended the conversation, stayed cool and composed. He's gotta be thinking at least a little bit.
