I continue to learn. Tried to recover too quickly and set myself back.. forgot that I had just had surgery and did too much..No big deal, just needed a day of total rest. However, it was clearly a metaphor for my life at times.. rushing through i miss what is here now... it is in the rest that we can plan for tomorrow, align ourselves with our deepest desires for our lives..
Quotes of the day "As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live" Goethe
"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." Nancy Levin
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
One of my DBer friends from a long time ago used to tell me that the universe gives us experiences that literally force us to rethink things because we can't physically do anything else. Things like surgery. I took those comments to heart, which were spoken to me the night I got home from surgery having my gall bladder removed. So while I sat around, I literally forced myself to acknowledge some stuff I had been pushing aside.
Obi Wan would tell you to use this opportunity wisely. I'm not Obi Wan, so I just had to channel him instead.
I saw Nancy Levin in March when she was here at the I Can Do It workshop that Wonka suggested I attend. I love that comment! (She's a fellow Coloradan too...)
Happy healing, and glad the outcome is super positive!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks for your note and your kind thoughts. I bet that workshop was inspiring. That is wonderful that you took advantage of it.
I love that perspective on your surgery. I feel the same... So much came up, not only to be grateful for but to look deeply into within myself. A a kid I lived outside NYC and when we went into the city, I would worry that I could never be a successful adult bc I would never be able to understand how to build bridges and tunnels. Funny story I know, as I still don't understand but am still able function okay as an adult
I carry that little girl inside me still and that part of me surfaced again before and after the surgery, thinking that I would not be able to handle it... that part of me stops me at times from taking on adventures and challenges.. and i am working on that and other things.. the journey continues..
I realized last night at dinner with some friends.. they were asking me if I was okay with being friends with the gf I was dating off and on this year.. bc she was joining us later... that the reason I am ok with it is that I am still healing from the D.. wow.. it has been almost 3 years since BD.. and I am finally starting to truly feel myself again. There have been times that I felt better.. and thought I had healed... but it is just now that I really feel me again..
I was curious how long it has taken for others here.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Betsey's post made me think of yoga (and I do agree that we get the experiences we need to learn what we need to learn and if we're not listening, those experiences get louder and wilder and bigger until we can't ignore)
I was doing a new yoga sequence last night and the teacher kept saying don't strive but be grateful for that tightness or restriction, it tells you where you need to breathe into.
At first I thought Uggh! Wiseguy"" But them when I really listened and did in fact breathe into that space; things loosened and relaxed.
Yoga as a metaphor for life.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I think it varies how long it takes to feel normal. Partly based on how long you were together. Ex and I had been together for 21 years and married for 19. I would say I started to feel more normal after about 3 1/2 to 4 years. There are moments when the kids have a hard time and that brings up a bit of a raw feeling. There are even times that I alone have those moments.
I suppose there might always be something that can set me off but I feel pretty darn good. You are getting there too. Hang in there.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
NeedGrace glad that you got the results that you wanted.
I am not quite divorced but have been dealing with MLC for seven months. We are at the beginning of the divorce, so who know how long this crap will take. It depends on Hs mood for the moment. I am hoping once it is done, I can heal and it doesn't take forever.
A a kid I lived outside NYC and when we went into the city, I would worry that I could never be a successful adult bc I would never be able to understand how to build bridges and tunnels. Funny story I know, as I still don't understand but am still able function okay as an adult smile
LOL, I couldn't figure out how the milk man delivered our milk either, so what does that make us? Not farmers or engineers, for sure! I also don't know how to treat cancer or dig ditches. Yet here we are, navel gazing and looking at stuff.
Quote:
I was curious how long it has taken for others here.
My D was finalized 9 years ago and we've lived apart for a little more than 11. For the most part, I'm over the experience. Yet it's the little things. Little things that actually have very little to do with my XH specifically, but about what being married meant to me. I'm now 52 and lots of my friends are empty nesters and doing really well with their transitions. They're targeting retirement dates and solidifying their life plans. They have generally happy marriages and are now doing things together that they couldn't with kids at home. While I'm not sour grapes or sad, per se, I *do* feel at times that I got cheated out of a happy retirement, where we could both focus on each other now that we're in these middle years. I don't let it get me down or lose sleep over it, but I won't lie and say it won't be coming up in my IC appointments in the near future.
So if that really means I'm not over it, I'm not over it. There are bits and pieces that I discover with each passing year that aren't truly healed. And in my navel gazing, I'm considering that they may be childhood wounds that have never healed and not R wounds at all? I don't mean to say that someone else is to blame... these could very well be belief systems I've carried along through my life that aren't true anymore or were never true to begin with. OY.
Take care of yourself. You're a good egg and it will all work itself out as long as you continue to practice self care and self awareness.
Hugs- Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
