As for OW, yes there was an OW but H supposedly ended it with her when I originally busted and confronted him 3 months ago. Initially we tried to reconcile and briefly things seemed to really go well and he was doing all the 'right' things. But then he took a turn, pulled away and his demeanor became really cold. It will went down hill until a final MC appt where I laid out that while H was stating that he wanted to work on the M his actions were proving otherwise. I felt we should not continue MC because it was a waste and we shouldn't even be living together. The MC completely agreed, H did not fight it and left that day to go stay at his Dad's/Stepmom's. That was a little over a month ago. The first couple weeks were tense but lately he has really been warming to me.
Specifically regarding transparency, I copied and pasted what I wrote in another thread (I think to Train):
I feel like we never fully got there (when initially trying to reconcile). I thought initially we were doing well in terms of transparency. I had the password to H's phone and phone records. Whenever I questioned where he was he was right on top of it. Once he even took a picture of his work phone to verify that he was indeed at work speaking to a colleague for the past 30 minutes. He seemed to do a lot that appeared like he was being open. The MC seemed good with it too.
Then I came here and folks were really on the fact that the transparency plan was really not nearly thorough enough. Truthfully, I felt really confused about the 'right' thing. Posters had strong opinions, MC had a different opinion, then I spoke to DBing coach who had a third opinion. I did do some snooping and came up with nada. But I hated it, it felt so wretched to me.
Also, at that point, his behavior was enough to signal that something was NOT right so I didn't really feel I needed anymore info anyway. As I said, I have no idea if he was actually back in touch with her or not. I feel like I need to assume that he likely had some sort of contact. But it also could have been withdrawals the entire time. I often wonder if I will ever get to the point of knowing the truth.
Hope that all helps! Appreciate the input!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
