Nice job, Hope. Yes. That was one of the first things I did when h moved out- took over his closet as well.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Great job Hope! You did awesome! Glad she's able to feel open with her friend. And you are so right about acceptance and not feeling ashamed about the situation for your daughter.
You did good!
M:41 H:38 D:6 D:3 M:11 yrs T:15 yrs Bomb: Feb 8/14 Seperated: Feb 12/14
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Plato
Oh hope, you did well and my heart goes out to you. Did you two break at all and cry when you were telling D7? We are telling our kids in two days about our separation. My WAW wants to make sure the kids know "we are never ever getting back together" (like the Taylor Swift song...so lame) and we have a script and read that you need to be strong and a bit hopeful so all the kids dont lose it...as they look to their parents for security that everything is going to be ok. I have a different phrase from your husband in that I am going to say "Daddy is going to work really hard at being a better friend to Mommy" I love that your D7 was still able to be a kid....they process different from us.....playing with her friend and that beginning of acceptance. my C said children are resilient so that is good to know. and beautiful that you were wise enough to tell her about D during the day. If you do it at bedtime its just gonna be a freak out. so stay strong you are doing the right things. Peace & prayers
Me 42 W:35 M: 14yrs T:15yrs D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs BD: "I want a D"09/03/14 Sep: 30/06/14
Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Thank you, Claire, GB, Thornton, Jenn, and ray for your kind words. It was definitely a rough day. To top it all off, D7 isn't feeling well and is running a fever. That may be a blessing in disguise, though. It means I'll be staying home from work with her instead of sending her to summer camp.
She had lots of questions for me tonight:
Are you and Daddy really getting a D?
I thought you said you would never get a D?
Why does bedtime have to change, too? (We won't be going to each other's houses to tuck her in anymore. It seemed like a lot to tell her that now, too, but I thought (and her therapist thought) it best to say that now as well because it isn't sustainable long-term.)
Are you going to get remarried to each other?
Are you and Daddy still going to kiss each other?
Are you both still going to give me kisses?
I was about to type that I don't know what to do to help her through this, but the truth is that I probably know better than a lot of people because of my background. I guess I more accurate thing to say is that I wish she didn't have to go through this. I know, we all wish that.
WRT detachment...Is it typical for it to come on as quickly as it seemingly has in my case? For me, it is like that conversation we had on Friday just flipped a switch to "done."
Your daughter is truly blessed to have you in her life.
Sorry to hear that her F is not able to provide more support to her at the moment....
Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
That stinks. When my H does stuff like, "I'm feeling tired lately, so instead of coming to see my D this morning, I'll get some extra sleep", which means he'll go several days without seeing or speaking to her, sometimes I think of it like this: "he is weak and I am strong. I am proud and blessed that I can be a strong, confident and capable mother to my D. I feel blessed that I've had this opportunity to learn how resilient and strong I really am."
In other words, I make it about me, not him, and I try to let go of the anger. I try to feed my strength, not my anger (because man oh man would that fire burn bright if I stoked it!!)
Not easy. But worth it in the end. Anger is like fast food-- cheap and easy. May taste good at the beginning, but is terrible for you. Personal growth is like kale. Harder to prepare and digest, but helps you grow stronger and so much better for you in the long run!
Anger is like fast food-- cheap and easy. May taste good at the beginning, but is terrible for you. Personal growth is like kale. Harder to prepare and digest, but helps you grow stronger and so much better for you in the long run!
This is great!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Anger is like fast food-- cheap and easy. May taste good at the beginning, but is terrible for you. Personal growth is like kale. Harder to prepare and digest, but helps you grow stronger and so much better for you in the long run!
This is great!
Agreed. That's a great metaphor!
H actually called not long after I posted earlier. He asked to talk to her. D7's first question: Why do you have to get a D?
This morning, she told me that the only thing she wants us for her parents to not get a D and asked me if there was anything she could do to help us not get a D. It's heartbreaking. Oh, she's also concerned that her friends won't come play at her house anymore because her parents are getting a D.
