But HE is hell-bent on divorcing ME because he has "fallen out of love" and is "not happy". He feels he has given me everything and I am not grateful enough. Or something like that.
First off. I know what he was thinking. We did feel that our w's weren't grateful enough. For myself I'm starting to rethink my position. Did I expect her to be grateful??? I think I did. And if I was thinking that she should be grateful then what kind of partnership was that???? I think maybe I put an expectation on her. Maybe( ugh there's that word again where you really don't want to take responsibility) I wanted her to be grateful. You know. The " look at me I'm giving you a wonderful life now tell me I'm wonderful". That was me. I'm starting to think I should have said " what can I do for you?" And stopped right there. I read somewhere, don't ask me where please, that life is about service. Service to your spouse, children family friends and community. When I read it I thought " ya that sounds right. That makes me feel right" , but somewhere along my path I forgot. I became bitter.
Bitterness is a horrible feeling. It eats you slowly from the inside. I had forgotten during my m that giving freely without expectation us it's own reward. I used to love doing things for my w. She is a remarkable woman. I had such pride when she went back to school. And it gave me a feeling of deep satisfaction to know that I could help her achieve that. But I really lost my way. Maybe the bitterness stems a little from the fact that she followed her dreams and achieved them ( 4.0 student and she excels at what she does). I didn't pursue anything. I locked myself inside a job I hate. Convinced myself that I was making the ultimate sacrifice because it provided a good life for my family. And all the while I built a selfish envy towards w.
I became bitter resentful and mad. I did this. Not her. You h was wrong. I know this from personal experience. Don't hold onto his anger. You're allowed to let that go. You owe yourself that .
