My H never "told" me what to do either. But he didn't always offer his opinion readily. I ended up making a lot of decisions because he was unable/unwilling for whatever reason. I am thinking about whether or not I created an atmosphere where he felt he couldn't voice his opinion safely.
(I'll get back to you on that. )
Of course your situation is your own and only you can speak to that.
But I ended up a stay-at-home farm wife (no kids, but lots of animals and it was a full-time job.) I was alone all the time, only the animals for company, and his job was stressful with a long commute.
I think he started to see me as having it "easy" because I got to stay home and did the things he enjoyed and would do for fun, while he had the stress of his job.
When I was gone and he had to do it alone, it was clear that it was not a walk in the park for me. I did the best I could, but then I developed some health issues which I now believe were related to stress between us that I didn't understand at the time.
Over time I became less and less able to do things around the house in the way he might have liked, or even what could be reasonably expected. I think I was depressed, and frankly, doing loads of laundry, shoveling manure, and cleaning the chicken coop all alone, day after day, with no one to talk to was getting to me.
I think it would have been a nice life, but for one thing. When he came home, he just didn't want to talk or connect with me at all. No dinner together, just checking in with him seemed like he was REALLY putting up with the ten minute ordeal. When we were together, it was like he was only partly there, anxious to move on to the next thing. Being with me was not enjoyable for him, and it showed. I see that now in hindsight.
On the weekends, when we did have time, he never made me a priority. He stopped taking me out years ago, never came to my last three gallery openings, last few music gigs... always with some excuse.
It took visiting an old college friend (NOT BOYFRIEND!!!) who treated me like a queen when he took me out to dinner, that reminded me of all the things my H had stopped doing completely.
Like you, my H was very "supportive". But that support was from a distance. He wasn't really engaged in that he provided for me very well, "gave" me everything I needed, and plenty that I wanted. He just wasn't comfortable giving of HIMSELF.
Does that make sense?
Again, you and my H have some similarities that I can see, but you're two different people and I don't know you.
But HE is hell-bent on divorcing ME because he has "fallen out of love" and is "not happy". He feels he has given me everything and I am not grateful enough. Or something like that.
My feeling is that his happiness has very little to do with me being an ungrateful wife who doesn't appreciate him.
I have always loved him. If not I would not be on this board. But I think I started to tune out and feel awful and just not care about making him happy anymore because he was so distant from me.
Being supportive of my efforts, allowing me my freedom to explore the world, financing my life--all that was great. But what would have made ME happy and made me WANT to do more of what he wanted, was if he had been vulnerable to me, spoken to me like a lover, been real and opened up with me.
To me, that's the whole point of a relationship.
The money, the house, the car... that's just "stuff".
I felt like I got the "stuff" but not the man.
Sorry if this seems rambling.. I'm just thinking out loud.
But if your wife is anything like me, you might want to give her a chance.
Maybe find out if there is something bothering her that can be repaired. You stated that you loved her.
Then fight for her.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
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