[BrightFuture]

Thanks, nero. I’s been a month since I started a new job. Yes, I was worried about the part that I would not have as much freedom, especially when it comes to some time off. As a consultant I could just take the whole week or two off. I was not paid for my time off, so I didn’t have to worry about having a permission to do that. Of course I would have to take into consideration the project timelines. There were certain phases when I could not take the time off. Well, I could, but it would not look good for the project. This is the only things that I miss about consulting so far, besides more money. Other than that I’m still doing the same job I was doing before. There are meetings and deadlines of course, but nothing different from what I used to do as a consultant. There is no micromanagement, my day is flexible (to a degree), I can take longer lunches if I want to, as long as I get my tasks done, just like it was before.

So, I would say that I’m pretty comfortable at my job and people are nice. At least for now I don’t have to worry about the paycheck. And I don’t have to pack every Sunday night, get at 4 am on Monday morning and rush to the airport. I don’t see much activity on the market for the consulting positions right now, so I think that it was the right timing for me to get a full time job.

AJM, thanks for stopping by. I don’t know what I want at the end yet, for H to completely go away or for him to come back, but only after he becomes that responsible adult again. Some days I think that nothing everything is going to be the same even if he decides to come back and I accept him. Other times I think that he is hopeless and is going to be stuck in this forever.

I don’t know if I completely understand this concept of too many narratives. There are definitely multiple parts of live that H is living in. One of these lives is at the vacation home where he has one set of friends and activities, another one is at the place where he works with different set of friends and activities, and maybe a third one where he is still tied to me and the city where I live. He keeps attending certain events here, like Holiday Bowl, and annual 5K run. I don’t know where reliving of his teenage years fit the most.

I’ve been having some anxiety feelings for a couple of days, and this morning was the worst. I cannot figure out where it is coming from. I have a great life. I have a job, a steady paycheck, I have my house, friends, family... The weather is beautiful! But something is bothering me and I cannot figure out what. I think I am not completely out of the woods with my depression yet.