Continuing my DB'ing journey...

[T384]

That's where I feel is technically I am still married and while I am the only one honoring that right now I think it's something that I should as setting an example for my boys (not that I would ever tell them or introduce them to anyone)

The only reason would be to make me feel better about myself. I feel like a piece of garbage that I am not good enough to keep my husband. That he has some teenager that's skinny and just got a boob job for her birthday present. I know it sounds stupid and superficial but it's an ego blow. It's nice hearing that someone is interested. I talk to no men what so ever. I mean a few of the physicians at my work but we don't talk or anything outside of work. I guess I knew the right answer but I was just wanting conformation. My friends think I should go and enjoy myself but I know this is because they want me to stop hurting so badly. I need to do this in my own time and unfortunately I don't even know what that is. I have just been living day by day and trying not to think about the future too much because it hurts.

[Georgiabelle]

TO,

I'm sorry that you are hurting. Trust me. This 18 yr old girl with big boobs can't hold a candle to you. She's skinny. So what? She probably has Justin Bieber posters on her walls and "Class of 2014" on the back of her car. No. No. No.

She is not a reflection of you. She is a reflection of where your h is. And it doesn't sound like a place where a mature person with kids would really and truly want to be. You obviously work hard and are a dedicated mother. You seem intelligent and I'm sure you are a lovely lady. Don't compare yourself to a 18 yr old. Why? There is truly no comparison.

[T384]

Thank you for your kind words GB they really do lift me up

I actually should be grateful to have the opportunity to really work on myself and the faults I have that I can change and do better. Although I am not happy about the situation I really do need to make the best of it. I don't want to spend another morning crying in my bathroom instead of out enjoying the day with my boys. I actually am going back to school in the spring. I don't know if this counts as GAL or a 180 but this has been a pressing issue with H. I had been wanting to go to anesthesia school but it is a grueling program. H didn't feel like I needed to go to school - why can't you be happy with what we have why do you have to make more money. I said it's about furthering my career and setting us ip for the future so we can work smart! He later told my mother that he sees it as I feel that I have to support our family and I don't think he's good enough to do so. I did bring this up when we met a couple months ago and apologized if I came off wrong when I wanted to go back to school that I was only thinkng of both of us and it had no reflection on his ability to provide for our family. All I got was 'that wasn't how it seemed'

I just apologized and left it at that

[woundedfool]

T0,

I got some great advice from a friend (the first guy I called after BD). He suggested I NOT to seek any new intimate/beyond friendship relationships for quite some time.

You run the potential for a textbook definition "rebound". And those never work out (mainly because you are so focused on getting back what you had, you look away from the bad qualities).

He also mentioned he understands I am an adult, and as adults there are certain "needs" we like having met from time to time. And in a few months, in a safe way (your a Nurse, you had microbiology )... do what you need to do (no judging from the woundedfool)

Outside of the "adult time", use this time to keep working on you. Working on a new relationship would be a huge distraction for that, and if you don't learn from your history, you WILL repeat it.

Side note: and just IMhO, beginning a relationship with a guy who is going through a "nasty divorce" would probably be very toxic for the other you. I doubt you need that now. I would mention to your friend, you are flattered she was thinking about you, but just not right now, check back in a year.

[T384]

Thanks wounded

So last night S6 woke up crying out of nowhere. I asked him what was wrong and he said I want my family back together. I think he was also over tired. Since all of this happened H has never talked with the boys or explained anything that was going on. I also mentioned that H friend noticed changes in S6 and pointed it out to H but he did not see it. S6 has never brought anything up with H as I have mentioned before he is afraid H will get mad at him

So I asked him last night if he wanted to call daddy. He said he wanted to text him. I gave him my phone and went and laid down with S3 (who was still asleep)

His text messages broke my heart. He said I want you to come home I am begging you please. H just said it was late and he and him would talk about it alone. S proceeded to say that he didn't even show up for his 1st grade graduation celebration and that H makes him sad and H doesn't care about him. H just kept saying we will talk about it later and that it was late and he had a long weekend and needed to get rest.

I'm not sure if I made the right decision. But I felt after 3 months H should know the hurt has not gone away for S. The only time he has heard him cry was when S begged him to come on the cruise we had planned at the beg of March for his birthday. since then S does not cry to him after that because he said daddy will just get mad

[woundedfool]

So last night S6 woke up crying out of nowhere. I asked him what was wrong and he said I want my family back together. I think he was also over tired. Since all of this happened H has never talked with the boys or explained anything that was going on. I also mentioned that H friend noticed changes in S6 and pointed it out to H but he did not see it. S6 has never brought anything up with H as I have mentioned before he is afraid H will get mad at him

So I asked him last night if he wanted to call daddy. He said he wanted to text him. I gave him my phone and went ........... H just kept saying we will talk about it later and that it was late and he had a long weekend and needed to get rest.

I think you said you are in FL... talk to your attorney, I *think* you need to take a parenting/divorce class, the one I had to take discussed some issues that come up with kids going through divorce. It helped a little.

But I felt after 3 months H should know the hurt has not gone away for S.

Quiz time: What will my question/statement be in regard to the above quote?

[T384]

What will you hope that to accomplish?

[woundedfool]

What will you hope that to accomplish?

To help you to recognize something that you keep repeating, even though it has been mentioned many, many times. I am trying to keep it light and fun (this is not a dig), I am trying to stop you from going down a cheese-less tunnel )

So back to my question:

But I felt after 3 months H should know

Quiz time: What will my question/statement be in regard to the above quote? I will make it multiple choice and I have shortened the quote. Is the answer:

a. Have you read DR or DB?

b. Have you been sticking with your 180's?

c. Are you trying to mind read again?

[T384]

So I just got a nasty text from H. As you know H will not come to the house when I am home so he would just come when he saw my work car was not there. Well now that it's summer he has to text me to ask if I am working or not.

Well I responded that I was working but the boys wouldn't be home from 530-730 (first day of basketball). I get a text saying how it's unfair that he has to let me know if he picks them up and takes them somewhere. Basically just blaming on me that it's not fair I take them and don't tell him. Yet he will go a week without talking to them or asking about them but now he wants to know where they are. He is just trying to control whatever he can and take his anger out on me I feel like

I just told him I do not make you tell me I ask you nicely to let me know and I said I am not arguing with you. To which he replied he just would like to know. I said okay and that communication was a 2 way street and that I just found out about the basketball practice at 1pm

Not sure what else I could have done. I am sick of him treating me disrespectfully and only talking to me when he needs something and expects an immediate response and it to be exactly what he wants. He can't even say hello or be courteous in talking about the boys

[T384]

What will you hope that to accomplish?

To help you to recognize something that you keep repeating, even though it has been mentioned many, many times. I am trying to keep it light and fun (this is not a dig), I am trying to stop you from going down a cheese-less tunnel )

So back to my question:

But I felt after 3 months H should know

Quiz time: What will my question/statement be in regard to the above quote? I will make it multiple choice and I have shortened the quote. Is the answer:

a. Have you read DR or DB?

b. Have you been sticking with your 180's?

c. Are you trying to mind read again?

No my response of saying what do you hope that will accomplish is what I thought you'd be asking me.

I have read DR twice now