Labug-- its really only very recently that I've learned to truly love myself for who I am. So for much of my M, I was insecure and looking to my H for validation and my sense of self-worth. I had a lot of fear, and I couldn't be truly honest about the self-hatred I felt (and depression....and anxiety. ..), because if I told him, I feared he would not want to be with me. (That worked out well for me, didn't it). He knew I felt overwhelmed and depressed; but **no one** knew the extent of it.
I also couldn't see outside of myself to recognize that it wasn't always about me-- he has his own issues that he sometimes projected onto me, but I wasn't strong enough to realize that. And I played such a victim that I couldn't see how I perhaps needed to support him differently.
