As Zee said, I'm due to start a new thread here unfortunately.
The last few days have been a bit chaotic, and it's not going very well. It appears that the A with the OM is running into some issues, and perhaps that is why my W has been an emotional mess. While initially I thought that was great, I'm realizing several things. Namely, do I actually want to be with my W if we were to reconcile. She has brought up a few times how she couldn't imagine cutting off communication etc. I foresee her never moving past where she is at
In addition, I have realized, my W has no intention of coming back regardless of what happens with affair. The last few days seem like she has been swinging up and down wildly, and unfortunately, I have as well. I've tried to not let her affect my moods etc, but I find it hard. I assume it's normal.
At this point, W is waiting for a D to occur. I honestly feel that if I was able to get custody of the kids, I am now prepared to go ahead with a D, so I can get this chapter of my life completed. I purposed this to her, and she wasn't adverse to it at all. My kids are my priority, their safety , their well-being. I know this isn't a forum discussing D, but I think I need to accept that D is a real possibility. Obviously, having their mother in their life is extremely important as well, and access would not be a problem. Anyways, those are just my rumblings on a scary reality.
I'm not sure where to go from here. She has told me she hates herself when she's at the house, hates how she feels about herself when she's around me, and she feels we have been done for years.
I need to regroup and refocus. I want to be the spouse that she would be crazy to leave. Seems hard to do, as she has already left, and she has no fond memories right now. I'm really in a Last LRT.
