If she doesn't want to work on the M, nothing you say will change that. But if you show her, through genuine change and actions that you are capable of change...and if you become the spouse that only a fool would leave... then she might decide that she wants to work on the M. And only then can you talk about "us" work.
Right now you have a few options: 1) give up on this M. Get a D. (Btw.. your relationship issues will resurface in your next relationship unless you do the work on yourself.)
2) work on yourself, stay committed to this R. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. But the priority is for you to work on becoming the best YOU that you can. That way, even if this M doesn't work out, you will be in a better place for your next R.
