So at the risk of being smacked by the long term bd'ers I will give a couple of examples. How should I have addressed them .....thoughts,
My w was a sahm. But our home was always a huge mess. More like a frat house then a home. This wasn't just the case while kids were in diapers but the norm even to today. I told her repeatedly that coming home to a clean house made me feel good. It was important to me. Her response was always "you want it clean then clean it. I'm not that type of person." It felt to me that she didn't value my efforts to provide her and the kids with a nice home and nice things. I felt like I was taken for granted
When my w started working part jobs I asked that she have her pay deposited into our joint account. My pay had always been deposited into the joint account and she was free to use it as she felt needed. I never gave her x amount of money. My mother had told me once that she hated asking my father for money. It made her feel like she wasn't a valued part of the marriage. Or an equal part. I placed as much value on my w for being a sahw as I did myself as the income winner. To that end I never wanted her to ask me for money. I felt the money wasn't mine but ours. So when she started working as the kids were older I asked that she put her pay in the account with mine. She never did, never would tell me how much she made our where her money went. Still doesn't today.
And finally she would withdraw support. If we disagreed on a decision she would argue with me. Most times until I simply gave in but when I was firm on my position she would end the argument the same way " fine do it your way but don't expect me to help you when it fails!"
Help me out her. Am I being a childish little man for feeling hurt by these actions. Was I wrong to make the requests? How do I take ownership?
