Luke Power balance not sure I am a controller.. for sure, I thought he was OK with that but I guess not. I think it looked like I was in charge but I did not wan t to be.. he just was too passive and let me.. ouch.. trying hard to change that dynamic.. not sure if it is a useful conversation to have... I think the dominant comes across as controlling when i do it, I think the independent too.. and it is true.. I see a solution and push through with my way.. not so useful.. He let it ride for a lot of years.. we are talking about it but there is still so much built up resentment for behaviours I showed that damaged him but he did not say. he is saying it now. I am validating and truthfully. i do want to know what he thinks and feels. I don't want to a controlling, pressurising monster.. he has some responsibility there.. he says there is no going back , he will not risk that hurt .. I would agree I don't want to go back to that but going forward.. how to reshape that.. start again. Is that possible? new attitudes, new parameters.. maybe ??
The difficulty is he expresses his thoughts with irritated tone, he is uncomfortable doing that, I have trouble not hearing the tone and taking it very personally.. Thinking "he is angry with me. How can i fix that.." not useful I am working on that...
