My friend, it is safe to come out again. It is. Just be you. If anyone doesnt like it, thats their problem.
I have never felt that I was told that I needed to change my essence, Nero. If I was, I didnt listen. Who I was at my core, my values, my feeligs and beliefs, I did not change. I liked me.
I did need to change some of my actions, though. I did need to come to terms with some things and figure out how best to act moving forward. I needed to change my mindset about certain things. I am glad I did.
Introspection shouldnt wear you out, though. I just looked at the things my h said and figured out if they had merit. I looked at people I admired and figured out why. Once I got I needed, I went about making the changes I needed and wanted.
I think it is worth looking at, if you feel people have issues with you. Doesnt at all mean they are right. And it pays to see them for who they are. Its just more info for you to use to become your best self. But if you are happy with who you are, that is all that matters.
And yea, the taking blame and feeling guilt. I freakin lettered in that. I was the queen of it. Everything was my fault. And I mean everything. I dont anymore, though. I own only what's mine, thank you very much. The rest, belongs to whoever it does.
And no, you arent the reason for everyone's junk, Nero. You just dont have that kind of power. Thats theirs. Let them have it.
I was the reasonable, savior in my family, too. Still am to some extent. But I control how much for the most part.
I think you need to quiet the voices of your sisters and your mom a bit, Nero. You know your truth. They can think what they want. It doesnt make it so.
Please dont allow your sister to talk you into what she wants to do with the house. That would be a huge mistake. You would have to be gatekeeper and that is never fun. You have a right to feel secure, Nero. It is not ok for you to sacrifice yourself for her. You matter, too. Please remember that. You have nothing to feel guilty about, Nero. You have to change that mindset.
There isnt anything wrong with rose colored glasses as long as you have no expectations about what you will see. You just have to take people as they are and accept that and then decide how you are going to deal with them. Sometimes you will be disappointed. But thats because you had expectations.
My friend, I try to see the good in people. I also try to see them as they are. And I have learned to accept that not everyone is going to like, not eveyone is going to be kind or care and that's ok. Thats their choice.
But that doesnt mean I am going to be someone different because of that. I only have control of me. And I am going to be true to myself. Not because of how someone acts, but, in spite of it.
I think you are very special, Nero. I want you to see that.
