KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

[GoatGal]

Hi K-Girl,

I'm new here, but I have been reading your posts. I agree with Hope that detaching is easier when you're not around each other all the time.
My H didn't even want to leave after he served me with divorce papers! He wanted to "co-exist peacefully." Sorry. No can do.
I had to have him leave at that point because it was just toxic. I think he still doesn't really understand why, as hard as that is to wrap my head around...

I don't know if I regret that or not, since I it's "supposed" to be easier to re-connect if you're co-habitating. But I just didn't think I could manage it, I was in too much emotional pain.

Having him out of the house has eliminated a lot of that, in addition to creating some mystery and giving me the time and space to think things through without the weirdness and stress, not worry about always being at my best or being the spouse he'd be a fool to leave. I was in a very dark place and it was all I could do to take care of myself without worrying about whether or not he liked how I looked or what I made for dinner...

I honestly don't think I'd be doing as well as I am if he was still living here, so I guess I answered my own question. I don't regret it. Although I do miss him, at least some of the time. It's hard on many levels, but I think it was the right decision for me.

I have a few friends who went through horrible stuff, husband left, etc.
But on some level it was the only way these men could discover what it was about themselves and their lives that they needed to change.

In all cases, it was not their wives.

Hang in there!