Hope, I want to add that your daughter has been dealing with this reality for a while now, and having honest answers to her questions may be more of a comfort to her than adding pain in her life.
But at the end of the day, you are her mother and you know what's best for her. Trust yourself and make good, loving decisions for her. You are already doing better than was done for you.
And if you don't believe you can do better for yourself in your next relationship than a guy who can act as your current H does, then you know what your next self-improvement task is. Amen to what 25years and Claire said.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I'm going to be blunt. Getting a divorce isn't going to make your h a better father. My own h said that (and I've read countless others here say their h said that) and it's completely ridiculous. If that were so, then any time someone went for counseling or to a parenting class, the initial announcement would be, " in order to be a good parent, you need to file for divorce or stay single" It's horse caca. Sorry.
Listen to the others. I know you love your h and no one wants their kids to grow up in a home without both parents , except for those WAS and MLCers wanting to be better parents. You wonder if you will ever trust and love someone again. I think many of us can relate to that too. However, sometimes we finally realize the person we are with are rather self centered and they only have the capacity to do x. And that they lack the desire and ability to look within themselves at some of their issues (door stopper for many). And that can be quite the reality check.
I often feel bad for the LBS who has many hopes on their WAS or MLCer going to IC. Although IC can be extremely beneficial, you can spend thousands of $$$$ and if you a) aren't truly honest b) aren't willing to do the work, then you will get a better return throwing $ up in the air.
Good luck with whenever you decide to talk to your D. She is lucky to have you.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 06/06/1409:22 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hope, I echo all of the comments recently mentioned here.
You are being incredibly strong in support of your D (and you H) during a very difficult time.
Thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong!
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Somewhere down the line all this is going to fall into place if you keep doing the work and you'll realize that you are enough. You'll find that living alone doesn't have to be lonely, that a good partner is great but no partner is better than a lousy partner.
I hear your fears but one of the big things we learn in this process is I only control me and worrying about what others are or are not doing only wastes time. Time better spent on living your life and living it well.
And this: Still, I have so much fear about her having a childhood that is like mine was. Again, you only have control of your piece but that's a lot to a 7 year old. I'm sure that you've already done more than your parents did. Am I right?
Let go of the fear of what her childhood will be like and do what you know you need to do.
Part of that is unattaching your emotional cart from his horse.
Sometimes I think our biggest fear is that we'll discover we really are OK without them.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I'm going to be blunt. Getting a divorce isn't going to make your h a better father.
First, go for it Second, I know it isn't. It is one of the many justifications he has for his actions in his head. If I'm not married, I'll be happier. If I'm happier, I'll be a better dad. I haven't bought into it at any point since he said it. The hypocrisy of the statement when compared to his actions is just SO much sometimes.
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
I often feel bad for the LBS who has many hopes on their WAS or MLCer going to IC. Although IC can be extremely beneficial, you can spend thousands of $$$$ and if you a) aren't truly honest b) aren't willing to do the work, then you will get a better return throwing $ up in the air.
I did encourage my H to go to IC, but only in hopes that he can work some of his issues out and be a better dad, not because I thought he would have a sudden awakening and decide to save our M. Does that make sense?
Thank you for posting. Don't worry about offending me I've got pretty thick skin most of the time.
Hope, I want to add that your daughter has been dealing with this reality for a while now, and having honest answers to her questions may be more of a comfort to her than adding pain in her life.
But at the end of the day, you are her mother and you know what's best for her. Trust yourself and make good, loving decisions for her. You are already doing better than was done for you.
And if you don't believe you can do better for yourself in your next relationship than a guy who can act as your current H does, then you know what your next self-improvement task is. Amen to what 25years and Claire said.
Maybell - D7 has been dealing with this for a while, but has become convinced that it is a temporary situation. I definitely expect her to have feelings of disappointment and loss. I think we need to tell her though because she needs answers and because avoid her questions and giving her vague answers must affect her sense of who she can trust. I want to be a person she can trust.
WRT doing better for myself the next time around, I *think* I get that. Some days, I just need reminders
Second, I know it isn't. It is one of the many justifications he has for his actions in his head.