Claire, I understand now what you are saying. Maybe I'm not choosing to love her anymore. Ok let's scratch the maybe since I am not owning my actions. I have not chosen to love her and I am finding it difficult to change that
I feel like this is what DBing is all about... one person CAN change the dynamic. If I had read about these strategies, or learned some tools (like 5LL), before my H decided to walk out on me, he and I might have been in a very different place now.
You can't force your W to change or own her part. But you can change YOU. And in changing YOU, you can change everything.
I would give a lot for my H to be able to hear the advice and insight you are getting here. (I made the mistake of trying to tell him these things myself, before I read DR.) But it is what it is.
