Love is a choice. It becomes an emotion when you choose to consistently, over time, behave lovingly, even in the absence of an unconsciously motivating emotion. It becomes less conscious when the efforts are made AND RECOGNIZED mutually.
I know this for certain because although I am currently the LBS, several years ago I was emotionally a WAW who wasn't actually in a position to walk away. I absolutely would have if I could. Fantasized about it constantly over several months. Ultimately I faced the reality that I was going to have to make my own situation better. My H had very little clue what I was thinking.
It was NOT easy to recover from my feelings then and most likely what I'm suffering now is some of the fallout from that period. My H is a very withdrawn guy with some issues of his own that are only recently coming to light and I was ashamed to admit to him how done I had felt, or to do much to include him in my recovery. Truly, I think I didn't even realize how incomplete my recovery was until I learned about his A.
What you've been describing sounds a lot like you and your W have been speaking foreign languages to one another for many years, and eventually gave up even trying. No person can be as selfish and demanding and manipulative as you've described your W. I've met lots of people who were truly difficult, and even they had redeeming qualities that kept them from being as dark as you've written your W.
I like the exercise you were challenged to do above. I hope you'll share it here. Read Five Love Languages and see if anything resonates. Trust that love CAN be a choice before you can feel it. Emotions are verbs -- action words.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
