Quote: Well, I'd have to feel bad only if I was taking pot shots at little people... Personally, I lump them in with people who are like D6--overlooked, underappreciated and just different from us giants!
I have to say that even though we've never met, D6 is one of my favorite people - D6 stories always make me smile!
You aren't a little person, are you? If you're a clown, you're hired!
Little person? No (5'10", actually). Clown? If by clown you mean constant clutziness, occasional airheaded-ness (I know, that's not a word), and just general goofiness, then yes!
But the fact is that you can actually measure how long it takes to regain ground that is lost when doing a backslide.
I hope that this is weeks rather than months, but I guess I'll never know - gonna go visit TripleJ's thread to find the post you spoke of.
During the period of regaining ground, you will often hear the S say stuff that verifies their position on why they don't want to give you hope or believe in the changes.
I think I'm treading a very fine line right now - one more outburst and the negativity from him will start again. I don't know if he feels like it's a sign things aren't going to work, but I know he doesn't express his unhappiness directly, so...
Summary: The backslides verify the yucky self talk they indulge in.
So - I need to at least gain back some ground before I eat more fish - j/k - I know I need to swear off fish forever!
Three cheers for tall girls!
That's heartily seconded by me!
I'm sorry, Mer, how about 3 cheers for girls who aren't as tall too?
Mer is tall on the inside, if not on the outside.
Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I could NEVER blaspheme The Stooges--you know that. I need your help here, though.
What stooge is Mr. Wonderful? Shemp was the prototype for Curley, wasn't he?
I'm Moe, D10 says she's Larry and that leaves D6 for Curley...
Here's what I came up with: although Mr. Wonderful is a stooge (and we've all decided that a while back), he's NOT funny! What name do we give the Unfunny Stooge?
Triple J--when Hud gets back to me on this (he's a Stooge expert--after being a huge Price is Right and Elvis fan too), we'll let you in.
Myrrh, 5'10" is far from being a little person. You're safe. No need to rent that clown costume after all....
TTFN!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I'm mulling things over tonight. Had a nice chat on my way home from the gym with Mr. W's SIL (who I'll refer to as C in this post). We had a few minutes to catch up--it has been months since we last spoke.
She told me that she saw Mr. W. when he came over for dinner last Tuesday, but that he started his evening there with a "warning": No mention of the word Betsey. (Note, I'm picturing this said in the vein of the Pharoah and Yul Brynner about Moses in The Ten Commandments--my name is stricken from all conversation with his family members)
She wanted to know what that meant? In my speak or his?
Who really knows?
C is really wanting to force a heart-to-heart talk with the person who has always been her younger brother, but afraid. She asked me how long I am going to give him...
Before I answered she told me, "Bets, you know that B & I think the world of you. You will ALWAYS be our family, regardless. We both commend you on exhibiting the most patience of anyone we know collectively, and for that, you get an award."
I told her that my personal deadline is May (after rethinking what Myrrh mentioned in one of her threads, I came up with 15 months--that would be May). I told her that if he doesn't get moving here, I'm getting moving filing for D.
She said soberly, "Bets, I hope he gets his head out of his ass because B & I both think he's made a collossal mistake."
C then told me that she'd send me the obit for MIL... I guess Mr. W's dad wrote it, specifically named his kids and grandkids, but she and I were omitted from the obit. Hmmm. Guess he thinks his grandkids were conceived and born by spontaneous generation? Nice.
I was planning on accompanying Bob when I walked through the door. But the Grinch met me in all his glory, and Bob couldn't seem to find his way to the forefront with such a looming negative presence.
He put his coat on immediately and was about to leave when I asked him to tell me honestly if there was a letter to me from his mom. He said, "No, just C." I commented that he said letters, not letter, and he said, "Oh, well if I said that you'll have to excuse me. Just one, and it was for C."
Then D10 told me about a computer phone call that he got when she was here--from the health insurance company. Those computers always screw up our last name, and she and Mr. W. were laughing about the pronunciation. I asked what the computer wanted?
He said the computer transferred him to a live person, who was arguing about double coverage--I haven't been on his policy for a few years now, and he thinks they were testing him. He negated their supposition and seemed a little annoyed at the inquisition.
I asked why they thought it was so weird... and why now?
He said (sort if irritated), "Bets, I don't know. They wanted to catch me in some sort of lie or something. I told them the truth."
I commented, "Well, it can't be THAT foreign.... what if you were divorced?"
He said (very snottily), "Well, IF I was divorced, I would have filed all my employee paperwork as divorced, wouldn't I?"
Then he left.
D10 was standing beside me when I asked, "Is it just me or is Dad pissed off?"
She came to his rescue and said, "Mom, he told me he got up at 4:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep, so he went into work. He's probably tired."
I sat for a few minutes and decided to call him. He answered his cell in a very fatigued voice--who knows, maybe he's getting good at the drama thing too?
I asked if he had a minute and he sighed the sigh of a martyr. "Yes. What do you need?"
Me: "K, did I do or say something to upset you? Because I felt that way when you left. You seemed irritated or annoyed with me and I'm concerned."
MW: Another belabored sigh. "No. I'm not mad at you, Bets. It's been one hell of a long week since Mom died and I'm emotionally drained. You didn't do anything to piss me off."
Me: "I don't want to seem weird about this, but if I didn't ask, I wouldn't know. Sorry for bothering you. I know you're tired."
MW: "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow."
Me: "Okay, bye."
What a bizarre interaction! I know this seems more normal than it actually was.
Trish, whereever you are, you were right on him withdrawing more. Because he IS.
Just sign me, "Puzzled with Joe, the Unfunny Stooge"
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
The alien moon must be shifting, look at all this goofy alien behavior on the board lately!
I will say though, my dad went through a similar experience when his father died. There was a lot of bad history between my dad and my grandfather, and I know my dad had a lot of mixed emotions surrounding his death. The only thing more tiring than emotions are mixed emotions - and doubly so for those who cannot express them.
Now might be a good time to re-initiate the counselor discussion, as MW might find one useful during this time. If it is under the guise of marriage counseling, he can go without losing the macho edge. And, he may feel it is a safe envirnment for him to say what he needs to without running the risk of hurting anyone.
OR, give him some time...once his emotions settle and the moon moves back into place he might go from grinch to bob...
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
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