Ok here we go

[Ambivalent]

^^^^ Okay now we're getting somewhere.

Your role was to play along to get along. And you know that you lie to avoid and look better.

This is HUGE in a marriage. This is also an insight that needs reconditioning and lots of work.

I believe every marriage can be saved , as long as there is no abuse.

Your marriage really doesn't sound all that unusual. Matter of fact, typical in many ways. What I am hearing is that you no longer want to try... it is just too hard!

I call B.S. on that. NOTHING in life is easy and yes marriage and lasting love takes WORK ! You are angry at yourself and projecting all that resentment and anger onto your wife.

Rather than blame her for what you're feeling , you need to own your BIG part in this. You own half of it. She owns half of it.

Again...WHY are you HERE if you don't want to save your marriage?

I don't think you are done! I think you want sympathy and a place to dump... this is NOT that place.

There is a difference when the LBS dumps and vents... why? Because they are working on themselves and trying to work on their marriages.

You sir , are living in the past. Because you chose to take your birth family role into your marriage, it is not the responsibility of your spouse to change you. You have to change yourself. If you allowed the marriage to be about her, YOU allowed it.

Marriage is about the two of you together. When in an argument or making financial decisions, the best question is : " Is this good for us? Is this good for our marriage?

I believe reading " Love Busters " and reflecting on what YOU contributed to the problem is a great place to start. Another awesome book is " Men Are From Mars And Women Are From Venus "

The last book is great to see the other side, and hear what people are really saying. It allows us to see how we start arguments, and also how to approach conflict in a loving manner.



YOU sir have a choice. Love is a choice and hormones and chemicals.

So I ask again, WHY HERE? If you just want out... then find a I want out of my marriage divorce site.

Or start over with a beginners mind. Put the past behind you and work on the present.

And yes, just because you didn't sit around and say " whoa is me " doesn't mean you don't have a victim mentality. You make excuses for yourself, and you don't have the same empathy for your wife. The one you vowed to stick with " ...for better and for WORSE. ". Obviously you see it as worse ,presently. You have the opportunity to change that.

You have the opportunity to work on YOU and make yourself into the best person you can be.

So what's it going to be? Run away from your problems and the marriage issues , half of which are yours. Or are you going to be an adult, face the challenges head on and work?