choosing door #2 - next part in my journey

[T-boned]

Hey TL. So happy to hear how well you are doing! Yes, it is amazing how you can feel when someone new comes in to your life. And you seem to have your head in a good, healthy place so enjoy! And I have complete faith in you that you will be mindful and use caution. Gosh, it must be so refreshing to feel the way you do, positive, strong, and confident. I know others here reading your sitch are probably a little 'envious', and I mean it as 'supportively envious' in the sense we all want to be where you are, myself included, but I also realize we all have slightly different circumstances in our relationships to deal with.

I had a little break through today after seeing my therapist. I have been having a really hard time the last month or so, weeping because I hurt and I miss him, but don't want to have to talk to or see him - it only makes the pain much worse. However, in today's session I think I've come to understand why my grieving has been going on for so long and is so painful. It's because I haven't dealt with past grief in my life (mostly having to do with my father who I absolutely adored, my parents divorce, and my father's death). My H and my father were the two most important men in my life -I loved them both with all my heart - now both are gone. There's too much there to discuss here, but it boils down to my not sufficiently grieving not only for the loss of my father and husband but lots of other losses in my life. I have quite the list. Not all involve people either. So, while I wish I were in your shoes as far as how far you have come in such a short period of time, I can accept that it is going to take me a while longer to get where you are because of this other stuff that is interconnected to the pain of my husband leaving. I'm thinking BrightFuture may have issues she may or may not be aware of that may be hindering her progression as well. It's worth investigating.

Sorry TL, like Matt, I seem to have hijacked your spot, but I am so relieved to have found out what I did today because it gives me greater hope that I will get through this and come out the other side like you. Just got a few more hurdles to conquer. It's going to be a rough summer but I hope by fall to have some peace and happiness in my life be it with or without someone.

Again, I'm so happy for you - you sound great and I, too, look to you for inspiration. Sorry I can't remember which book title I gave you, but "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson is really good. Then I found another little book that is really interesting called "How to Survive the Loss of a Love" by Harold Bloomfield. On one side of the page are bullet points or a short commentary on a topic, i.e. Let Yourself Heal Fully. On the other side of the page is a poem. The poem for this topic is as follows:

It will never be the same.
I will never be the same.

You came.
We loved.
You left.

And one day I will
find
myself alive again.

And another day
another's path will
run parallel to mine
for awhile.

And yet another day
you will return,
and I will see

It is not the same.

At first I wasn't so sure about this book, but it has really grown on me. Check it out!

Ok, TL, sorry this is so long but I wanted to share with you and all the others that come here for hope and inspiration. Keep posting - we all want to support and cheer you on!! You are a Phoenix rising!! ((())))