Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

In those 2 years, has anything changed?

-I am a lot more assertive and decisive. W noticed these changes (with a few back slides) and commented about them.

-Standing up for myself. W noticed this. She would often warm up to me after these moments after an initial negative reaction. A 180 which takes a lot of conscious effort for me. For ten years, it was mainly me trying to please and placate at the expense of my own self esteem.

-Patience and self control: The irony is that most around me would say I am the most patient person they know. I know I need to work on this. There have been moments, especially around EA discoveries, where I was very emotionally reactive. We had been making positive progress during our separation leading up to Feb of this year. I jumped the gun on a some positive signals from her, completely forgetting the DB advice in my excitement. Then discovered the recent EA. I feel I should have had more patience and self control in how I handled it.

-Communicating: Another irony as my career success has been based on my reputation for communicating effectively. What I am realizing is that I need to really listen more to her. I knew of the concept but did not truly get it. Validating, as a part of that, is very new to me but one which I am practising at work.

-On M progress: We had been making some slow progress and then during one of my last visits in Feb, she was overly warm. Back to calling me by my pet name which she hadn't in over a year, holding my hand, cuddling, talking a bit about the future, introducing me to new friends as her husband, etc Our last blow up definitely set us back miles.

-Being a better man: Stronger in all aspects of my life, more certain about life and my purpose, reconnected with God in a much more intimate way. W mentioned this during the D talk. She said she has seen who I have become. However, she said she just doesn't know if we are meant to be together especially as we have only been with each other.