That was a rough welcome! You did come out of the gate like a tiger, but still!
I read lots of anger, resentment and frustration, but I don't buy that you are done. If you were done, you wouldn't be posting here -- why would you? My wife is done, and she has no interest at all in what I'm doing, nor pondering what went wrong, she's simply moved on.
If you're done, why haven't you moved on?
The way you write comes across as someone trying to convince themselves that they are done because you feel helpless and don't see a way forward.
It definitely reads like your wife gave you a rough run of things. If she withheld sex for 5 years like you say, then she should not be surprised at all that you would leave -- that's cruel and unusual punishment!
Why did she do that?
I assume you talked about it -- what did she say? How did she explain her choices? That's a pretty major problem.
Let's do this though -- let's assume that we accept your version of things 100%, you were married to an incredibly selfish "taker" who wrung you out, emotionally abused you, and left you out to dry.
What now?
Questions to ask:
1) Why would you tolerate a relationship like that? What about you said that it was okay?
2) What did you do to try to improve it? Why didn't it work?
3) What have you learned about yourself through this process such that you can avoid getting involved with another total witch?
We tend to be attracted to people who abuse us in familiar ways. There is something about this treatment that drew you in -- what was it?
Why did you stay with it?
In my case, I am attracted to women who make me work hard for their affection and approval. That's how I grew up, I had to earn the love I got. I ended up marrying a woman who did not love me and spent the next 20 years trying to get what she was not willing to give.
That's what I need to figure out, how do I avoid that next time around? What work do I need to do on me so that I'm not fooling myself again? How can I get into a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship and feel good about it?
