Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

3. Do not trust each other.

The last one is the one that jumps out at me. And it's exactly why I saw red flags in the Validation thread, as you shared your message. Can you elaborate why she believes she can't trust you? After all, she's the one who has engaged in an EA, so I understand why you wouldn't trust her. What gives? Please don't hide that here - it's to help. I was one of the many who engaged in an EA which almost turned PA as well. And I understand the "why" now.

Trust
Some context which I think is crucial. I was her first 'real' boyfriend and lover. Also important, she was my first.

Until I came along, she had skirted the edge of romance but had not had a physical relationship or 'boyfriend' in that sense. From the early days and what she told me, she had kissed a few frogs but had never really dated anyone. There were two people she fell really hard for but both who ended up choosing someone else. The second, who she had an EA with (he was engaged) really impacted her.

When we met and she committed to me, it was a really big deal for her. We would talk for hours, years into our relationship about marriage, life plans, kids, etc

However, my walking away state drained her love and trust tank.

This is very shameful and painful to share but I recall one thing she said in the midst of all of that: "I am like a flower, you have to show me love and hold me or I will wither away.'

She took my hand and placed it on her cheek saying "Like this"

Yes, I was a real j***. I really broke her heart and her trust.

In Aug 2012, she moved away for work to where she is now for a two year contract. The plan was I would stay here for the first year because of work. Move there for the second year.

Btwn Aug-Oct I was so relieved to just have the space. We visited twice in between and would talk every few days. She continued to be upbeat and positive the whole time. The visits were actually good and I was a lot more myself.

Then around Nov. something happened to me.