Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

Looking back, I have come to realize how much my own passive aggressiveness contributed to our spiraling situation. I would often give her the benefit of the doubt but let my resentment build. Ironically, it was from not wanting to rock our M boat and being a nice guy (the No More Mr. Nice Guy book has been very helpful for me to see my role in our R and communication dynamics).

In hindsight, one thing I wanted to hear her say was that she was sorry about how she had treated me. But her approach was to try to act as if everything was fine and that we were great. And I didn't know how to ask her for this.

Reading the DB book only in the last year (Sept. 2014), I realized that I had become a WAH and had gone through a depression.

Other resources I have come across in the past year have helped me understand the house cleaning/nagging spiral. IMO and my understanding of all of what I have read, I believe she was looking for emotional availability and security from me. Including my ability to be able to stand up for myself. I was very passive and easy going. I don't believe she consciously knew that this is what she wanted but acted out on this. I also do think she is very controlling.

What I do know for sure is that I was way to passive and way to afraid of loosing her to stand up for myself. The extent of my insecurity follows below.