I'm going to be brief here as to get to the real heart of this matter.
Why exactly do you feel it is wrong to ask my D14 where she wants to live? Why is that so bad?
You misunderstood me.
This is what you wrote:
Originally Posted By: Matt165
First I would ask my D what she wanted to do (giving her options). If she thought 7/7 was OK for the summer I would be willing to try that but by no means would I tell my D she MUST do that.
You are essentially asking D14 to be a part of the negotiations in an indirect way. This is dragging D14 into the discussions with you and W. Not good.
What needs to happen first is this:
Inform both of your daughters at the same time that you and W will be getting a divorce. [use the suggested speech posted here as a starting point]
Then, just maybe, D14 will reveal her fears, thoughts, and perspective of this announcement which MIGHT entail telling you two her preferences on where she lives.
