Whenever a woman has too much stress to handle, something is going to break. Some people react by taking their anger out on the one closest to them. Unfortunately, you provided your W with ammunition by the porn and the being alone with another woman. It is going to take more than a couple of weeks for her to move past all of this, b/c of the state she's in right now.
The best thing for you to do is step back and leave her alone. Yes, it will be very difficult. However, as long as you say "but I couldn't help myself" you will not progress. You can help yourself! You cannot pursue her during this time. She is extremely stressed, angry, and unhappy. Time is your friend. Time helps to heal. So stop talking...and back away.
Don't worry so much over answering the phone. The point is to be less available. If she should call you, then for goodness sake.....don't yell at her. And.....do NOT ask if she misses you yet or if she loves you, etc. And don't tell her how lonely you are and how sorry you are ......again. Just talk upbeat and try to cheer her up, b/c if she feels good after talking to you, then she'll probably do it again.
Now, if there is another man in the picture, it changes things.
Set personal goals how you can improve yourself as a man. Learn all you can about DBing.
I know you have the urge to share with her what you read/learn, however, it is a bad idea, especially reading something that sounds preachy. Even a Christian WAW doesn't like it from her H when it's aimed at her. You can't help her like that. It comes across like you are pointing out she's bad and God isn't happy with her. If I had been in her shoes, I would have been ticked! So many times a LBH can sound self-righteous when talking to his WAW. I'm sure you didn't have that intent, but it was like pouring gas on the fire.
Your job is to work on yourself and pray for yourself and for her. But it is not your job to say or do something to spark her into thinking of returning to you. Let God use this time to do a work on you, and hopefully, her too. Sometimes, a separation helps a young couple to get their heads clear and realize what they really want. But it does take time. She is tired and overworked. She's really wanting some relief. Don't make things harder by pressing her, b/c I promise....you will be on the losing end.
Btw, what are your ages?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
