I know the strange feeling of radar, it is happening in my ocean at the moment also. But, I have to say, there are many positives from your weekend posts!
MW opened up to you about his father and his feelings toward that. For a PA, that is a good step!
The birthday dinner reminded everyone what family feels like. I think these walk-away’s need to remember what family feels like, because they seem to have forgotten that it is supposed to feel GOOD, not a nightmare.
I don’t know what to make of his phone calls, and having D10 initiate them. He was doing that same thing during our girls’ weekend, so perhaps that is his ploy when he does not trust his ownself to talk to you?
Quote: Mom and I have a lot of funny stories we could share.
This brings back a very strong memory for me, and also one for Sting I imagine. I was pregnant with S, and FIL was in town for something. I think it was when we found out that the baby was a boy. Regardless, my mother (the great saver of things that she is) decided that she was going to reserve a table at a very upscale restaurant to celebrate. She invited my MIL as well as my FIL. Now any rational person knows that these two shouldn’t be allowed in the same room, let alone the same table…but I never said my mother was rational. Well we all show up for this dinner and Sting grips my hand in terror when he sees both parents at the hostess station. I look at my mother, who’s smiling smugly. To make matters all the worse, she has brought with her my outspoken niece and my even more outspoken sister. God help us.
Well, we sat down at the table and Bella (my niece) started her usual Bella-banter. Divorce was not a subject she had much experience with, as she was 3 years old at the time and her own father had never even met her. She ‘got’ that MIL was Uncle’s mommy and FIL was his daddy, but she couldn’t ‘get’ why they didn’t love one another (must have been my mom’s explanation of divorce on the way over). Anyhow, after much questioning I told her to shut up. She did, after one more question. “You pretended to love Uncle’s Mommy?” she asked FIL. “No, I absolutely never pretended to love her. When I loved her I loved her lots and lots. We have a lot of good stories to share”. Well, the word ‘stories’ was all Bella needed…and at her request the stories began to burst forth. I remember Sting sitting there open mouthed as they recanted stories of living in Chicago and having to park miles away from their apartment. They told stories of living off of peanut butter and crackers while they got their careers started. Even Sting had never heard these stories, because neither parent ever said anything nice about the other. My mom just beamed.
After that day, FIL has never said a cross word against MIL. Ever. This is when my relationship with FIL changed. He lost the bitter edge that had driven me crazy before this; he seemed to let go of his end of the resentment rope. I guess he must have remembered that MIL wasn’t a monster. I don’t know that I agree, and she certainly didn’t stop the cross words on her end. And she held fast to her end of hat resentment rope – she’ll probably drag it around behind her ‘til the day she dies and without FIL holding up his end it just became all the heavier for her to bear. But the good stories CAN cross out the bad feelings. Even after 23 years of bitter divorce. They can. Keep sharing those good stories. They are living proof that there was a time that was considered ‘good’ and the same people shared those times together.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
