Could it be he is feeling a bit wary because he is realizing how important to him you are( with his mum's passing) and this is making him a bit uncertain? Not aboout you but about himself......?? He's also been sharing himself more lately than in recent history and this has got to be making him a little gunshy too......
I have to agree with Trish here - I know sometimes I get a little scared when I'm feeling really vulnerable, and so I pull back somewhat.
I say keep up your positive attitude...don't pry too much and have patience.......letting him know that sharing may make him vulnerable but you won't take advantage of that......
I think I am going to take this advice and use it for myself - thanks, Trish!
Don't be surprised if he pulls back even more....He is hyper sensitive right now to that fact that he shares so much with you.
Sometimes closeness is a little scary, and maybe he is just in his "cave" a bit. You know we're all here if it weirds you out too much and you need us.
Have a great weekend, Betsey! Enjoy your pampering... Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I have to agree with everyone here, something is up. We all know what that radar feels like even if we don't know why. You'll figure it out soon enough.
His mom's death probably has a lot to do with this.
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
This will be a quick login before I have to get the girls ready for school tomorrow. I'm sitting here bloated after a really nice dinner at Maggiano's (my new idea this morning) and I am FULL. UGH!
Well, it's official: D9 is now D10. She's had an excellent day and a nice dinner and is now watching Daddy Daycare with D6 (which is why I have a few minutes to myself).
Mr. Wonderful was in a very chatty mood today and fairly happy (all things considered). We got to the restaurant and got our beverages and he started filling me in...
He said he was a little angry with his dad and very annoyed. His dad treated him like a 6-year old after they had their convo--example: his cousin showed up Wednesday night and his dad decided at 8 pm that it was time for bed. While Mr. W. and his cousin were chatting his dad turned out the lights and told cousin it was time to go and MW to go to bed.
He hadn't seen his cousin in a year and a half, so he was feeling a bit perturbed. Mr. W. commented, "Why couldn't dad just announce he was heading to bed and ask me to turn everything off?"
Like I would know? I just nodded.
He started to get a little worked up and told me that his dad showed him some letters his mom wrote before she went blind and asked Mr. W. if he should send them?
Mr. W. said one of them was to his SIL (and perhaps another to me?) and said they were the meanest, most spiteful letters he's read from her to this day and got very mad at his dad... Evidently, he replied, "Dad, you know full well how these letters would be received. You KNOW the answer to that question and my opinion is that you burn them immediately, as they serve no purpose."
His dad commented, "Well, your mom needed to say some things to them."
Mr. W. got madder and said, "Dad, I know you're grieving and trying to feel supportive of mom, but you and I both know what she wrote is wrong. Do we have to end things so that people will always remember her being this way?"
I guess his dad agreed to some degree, because he said that his dad threw them away.
I sat there quietly and commented, "You know what the readings and homily at mass were about today? Forgiving others, particularly those who you dislike or hate. It was hard for me not to cry."
He just smiled.
I went on, "Mr. W., it's a good thing that Lent is here because I have a lot of work to do in this area. Forgiving your parents is probably going to require a lot more effort and time than I think."
He nodded and said he understood.
D10 was a little upset to hear about the letters, and I could tell she was trying to think of something nice to say. Mr. W. spoke first:
"And I think Dad is going to move anyway. He's a hermit and wants to be a hermit. The only reason they moved to Bozeman was because Mom wanted to be closer to B/SIL."
I commented, "Well, after he poisoned the neighbor's dogs I'm sure they're not going to miss him either."
He choked on his wine and said, "I bet not."
Damn it, you guys... I don't know if he's going to come through this or not. He does seem to be at a loss right now. I can tell that he was sad about leaving us to head back to the apartment.
Oddly enough, we were walking out of the restaurant and D10 was trying to pronounce the name of a restaurant across the street. It rhymes with a very memorable name from our past--a real estate agent in CA who ran over our mailbox and then accused us of moving it! Then he made some lame excuse for running it over, like "I had to go home and clean my bathroom, and I was in a hurry."
So Mr. W. started laughing and told D10, "Ask your mom the story about "Basil the Asil"... it's really funny. I told her and he started laughing harder. He commented aloud, "I remembered that Basil had some lame excuse for running it over, but didn't realize it was THAT lame. Mom and I have a lot of funny stories we could share."
True. So what does this mean in the grand scheme of things?
Time to check on the girls. Talk to ya'll tomorrow!
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Damn it, you guys... I don't know if he's going to come through this or not.
This meaning MIL's passing or this meaning you guys? I'm sorry to ask for clarification, but I just wasn't sure...
He does seem to be at a loss right now. I can tell that he was sad about leaving us to head back to the apartment.
"I remembered that Basil had some lame excuse for running it over, but didn't realize it was THAT lame. Mom and I have a lot of funny stories we could share."
True. So what does this mean in the grand scheme of things?
I think it means he's thinking about all you've shared, and thinking positively about your shared history. And I think that's a good thing.
Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Quote: He said he was a little angry with his dad and very annoyed. His dad treated him like a 6-year old after they had their convo--example: his cousin showed up Wednesday night and his dad decided at 8 pm that it was time for bed. While Mr. W. and his cousin were chatting his dad turned out the lights and told cousin it was time to go and MW to go to bed.
LOL! Some of the stuff I read on these boards really has me laughing out loud! Maybe it isn't so great at the time, but it sure beats those soap operas on TV! Sometimes you can only laugh at the absurdities.
I was also having a chuckle at Myrr's thread and her description of her H's behaviour, dumping his laundry in the middle of the living room and then ticking her off for the state of the house. Do these guys ever stand back and see themselves?
The account of the meal on D10's birthday sounded very positive from where I'm sitting. For one thing your H tried to defend/shield you from his mother's meanness, for another, he had some funny memories to share.
Thanks for your visit to my thread too, I will reply there.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I know the strange feeling of radar, it is happening in my ocean at the moment also. But, I have to say, there are many positives from your weekend posts!
MW opened up to you about his father and his feelings toward that. For a PA, that is a good step!
The birthday dinner reminded everyone what family feels like. I think these walk-away’s need to remember what family feels like, because they seem to have forgotten that it is supposed to feel GOOD, not a nightmare.
I don’t know what to make of his phone calls, and having D10 initiate them. He was doing that same thing during our girls’ weekend, so perhaps that is his ploy when he does not trust his ownself to talk to you?
Quote: Mom and I have a lot of funny stories we could share.
This brings back a very strong memory for me, and also one for Sting I imagine. I was pregnant with S, and FIL was in town for something. I think it was when we found out that the baby was a boy. Regardless, my mother (the great saver of things that she is) decided that she was going to reserve a table at a very upscale restaurant to celebrate. She invited my MIL as well as my FIL. Now any rational person knows that these two shouldn’t be allowed in the same room, let alone the same table…but I never said my mother was rational. Well we all show up for this dinner and Sting grips my hand in terror when he sees both parents at the hostess station. I look at my mother, who’s smiling smugly. To make matters all the worse, she has brought with her my outspoken niece and my even more outspoken sister. God help us.
Well, we sat down at the table and Bella (my niece) started her usual Bella-banter. Divorce was not a subject she had much experience with, as she was 3 years old at the time and her own father had never even met her. She ‘got’ that MIL was Uncle’s mommy and FIL was his daddy, but she couldn’t ‘get’ why they didn’t love one another (must have been my mom’s explanation of divorce on the way over). Anyhow, after much questioning I told her to shut up. She did, after one more question. “You pretended to love Uncle’s Mommy?” she asked FIL. “No, I absolutely never pretended to love her. When I loved her I loved her lots and lots. We have a lot of good stories to share”. Well, the word ‘stories’ was all Bella needed…and at her request the stories began to burst forth. I remember Sting sitting there open mouthed as they recanted stories of living in Chicago and having to park miles away from their apartment. They told stories of living off of peanut butter and crackers while they got their careers started. Even Sting had never heard these stories, because neither parent ever said anything nice about the other. My mom just beamed.
After that day, FIL has never said a cross word against MIL. Ever. This is when my relationship with FIL changed. He lost the bitter edge that had driven me crazy before this; he seemed to let go of his end of the resentment rope. I guess he must have remembered that MIL wasn’t a monster. I don’t know that I agree, and she certainly didn’t stop the cross words on her end. And she held fast to her end of hat resentment rope – she’ll probably drag it around behind her ‘til the day she dies and without FIL holding up his end it just became all the heavier for her to bear. But the good stories CAN cross out the bad feelings. Even after 23 years of bitter divorce. They can. Keep sharing those good stories. They are living proof that there was a time that was considered ‘good’ and the same people shared those times together.
"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere."
--Agnes Repplier, writer and historian
I have to agree that it appears that he has D10 do the calling when he wants to maybe avoid having any "feelings", etc.
You know, I've heard from many people that when they start sensing that the deadline is approaching that the behavior starts acting strangely. I know you would never tell him that the clock is ticking, but do you think he can tell and is responding in his own way?
Meredith- Your post convinced me I need to print out these threads and keep them somewhere - that was an incredible story - thanks so much for sharing it!!!
Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Bets- Thank you SO MUCH for that solid *scoop* out of negative PMA. A few months ago, that post would've destroyed me, but with some of my new-found perspective (and a little help from my shark friends), I come out instead with a positively fizzy PMA!
Throwing a tiny party for the PA girls... Myrrh
P.S> Let me know if you need another coupon..I have one here for a full-body massage from a certain sportscaster...who knew he was good with his hands? Did he ever agree to be celebrity golfer?LOL (I swear I am just kidding - I'm totally in Mr. W's corner here as long as he realizes you are the best darn thing since sliced bread! )
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
