What to do

[Ben2010]

So a bad night last night. I was dumb enough to ask if the time off has made her miss me. She immediately became defensive and told me how she has been stress free the whole time and that she was happy being there with her family.

Dont worry I wasnt done making mistakes

I proceeded to read her lines from the book Hope for the Seperated. The passage basically says that it is wrong in God's eyes to seperate and then went on to say that if we were seperating to being back feelings that it was futile. I only attempted this because she and I are both Christians and thought it would spark some thought with her. I told her that i didnt think the seperation was having the right effect as we dont even see each other in passing at all. I literally have not seen her in a week and a half. She told me that she figured we could go on a date and see how we felt about each other then. I asked when she had planned on this "supposed" date happening and she said she didnt know. Then she thought about it for a minute and told me we could go on a date next Sunday night. I was surprised that she actually said that.

Against good advice...I asked her if she wanted to join me for next weeks MC. She asked if the C wanted her to come in. I said that he did. She said ok very hesitant. I then decided for some reason that it was a good idea to tell her that she would need to have an open mind or it wouldnt work. She completely blamed me for everything at this point. I just told her that I understand that I caused her this much pain. I tried not to apologize again as I have already done this a bunch of times. She told me she was getting tired but I kept her on the phone about another 5 minutes trying to get some clarification for myself. She told me she would call me today on her way to work. I told her she didnt have to do that. Then she blew up again and asked me why couldnt I just say ok and let it go. So i said ok. When she called me today though, she was mad from the word hello. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that she just had a bad morning, nothing was going right, her hair and clothes(thinks that she is fat). She told me it wasnt me when i asked if this was her still being mad from last night. The old me would have never let that go and not believed her. But I thought about it for a minute and told myself that she was being honest and was just having a bad day already. So I have some hope that I can start to see progress in my changes already. I am finding it a little easier to manage my anger as well. I didnt start yelling at her at all while she was angry. I felt myself start to get that feeling of anger but was able to stop myself from saying anything mean or yelling. It still was not a pleasant conversation though. I could feel her anger through the phone. It was very intense and for the first time I felt like maybe I would do her a favor if I left her alone because it isnt that healthy for her to feel that anger and not be able to release it. Like maybe I should just not talk to her at all just so she doesnt have to feel that anger.