There aren't many good ways to do 50/50. If my W would just not move 20 miles away and stay close then the 7/7 wouldn't be a problem. I would need to know more about what is going on in my D's life before I put her on any schedule. To start off I don't mind the 7/7 in the summer if my W MUST move so far away. The problem comes with my W's attitude that I need to tell my D that she MUST go, she has no choice. I also think that my lack of confidence in my W's mothering skills and ability to both work the way she does AND take care of her D have me quite worried to just say yes to 50/50 without an out.
As for how 50/50 would look during the school year, I think that is almost impossible as it depends on what school she is in, what she is doing, who her friends are, etc. Like I said, if I thought my D was OK with her mother, that she would get the best attention possible from her mom and she went to school where her mom wants to live, I would give up 50/50 custody during the school year so she wouldn't have to leave her friends and school events every other week.
As for what that would look like right now...First I would ask my D what she wanted to do (giving her options). If she thought 7/7 was OK for the summer I would be willing to try that but by no means would I tell my D she MUST do that.
You see the problem with 50/50 in my case (now that I'm thinking about it) is that it requires trust in the other parent. My W seems to have lost trust in me because of what other people have told her what I would do and because of one time where I cried in front of my D. (it wasn't even that much, just a couple tears, lasted maybe 2 min.'s? Just an excuse by W to blame me if my D is angry)and me because of what my W has done for the last few years (all of which you heard about, mostly). The fact that my W can't seem to be able to keep a thought in her head, no matter how important, for more than a week doesn't help either. I understand that all this is MLC symptoms but it still makes me worry about who and what my D may be exposed to.
So I guess I can't tell you exactly what 50/50 would look like until my D is part of the conversation and my W has made it clear that won't happen until we have an agreement in place! I guess what we need is for us both to just stop letting outside forces get involved and just try and work this out.
I really think my W thinks I wanted to stop her from leaving and she was right for a long time. Then I was fine with her leaving but not having to get a D as this would give everyone time to adjust but she just couldn't get it in her head that I didn't want to stop her because of what others were saying. It scared her. Now she see's me retaliating by hurting her in ways that she SHOULD know I never would. Of course one of the things that she says is the reason for her wanting to leave the M was "not trusting" me. Couldn't tell me why she felt that way, she just did and that goes with the trust issues she has always had since I've known her.
I need to get her to understand I really don't want to stop her from going. That what upsets me most is how she is letting other people tell her how I will act and I haven't done a single one of the things she is so afraid I will do. One time weeping is just me showing emotion, NOT manipulation. If I pretended to be upset, that's manipulation! The problem is getting her to stay calm as she is ready to explode any sec.!!
